Do I wake or sleep?

Sorry I haven't updated in so long--my work network decided to block blogging sites so I can update there now, which is where I usually had the leisure. SIGH.

Anyway, so today after classes I had picked up a Meetup soccer game with a group with whom I've played before. But not in a while--I think the last time I played with them was sometime last spring. Between classes and my league team, just haven't had the time (and frankly, until mid-November or so, didn't really have the discretionary income. But now things are much better financially).

So the game was down in the Bowery at one of the worst fields in the city, cement covered with a thin coating of turk with big patches in place. But whatever, it was great just playing. However it had started to snow about an hour before the game, and the snow, alternating with freezing rain, continued throughout the whole game. So--challenging, cold, but fun. We ended up playing full field and I acquitted myself fairly decently. No goals (I was really inhibited under those conditions--I'm terrified of getting hurt again) so my touches weren't that great but neither were anyone else's. I did have several solid, pretty assists so I was happy--one of my assists had like five guys, including several on the other team, complimenting me. I'll take it :)

Afterward we all went to a nearby bar to quaff beers. I had an awesome time shooting the breeze with a bunch of guys, about "where are you from" and "you're a SOCCER COACH, that's awesome!" and Peruvian cuisine and whatnot. One of the guys even asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him (I'd been talking about my club days in DC--oh the memories!--and how much I loved dancing) and another at one point said to the group about me "she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's got good soccer skills..." and then another guy said something to him in Spanish which made the guys smile. Anyw, lots of fun. Now here's where it got--annoying. There's a girl who's attached to this group--she's listed in the meetup as "assistant organizer" and I've seen her at pretty much all the games. I'm not sure how she got attached because she's not a good soccer player, but you know, sometimes you just like hanging out with a group. That's fine. What's weird is how...hostile she always seems to be toward me and, as far as I can recall, other women who've shown up for these games. (There aren't many, I'm one of the few. In fact today there were only two of us amongst 18 guys.) She's always been cold, unfriendly and as I realized this, I just gave her a wide berth. Today we get to the bar and she's already there--she left halfway through the game because of the weather. We sit down and there's a menu in front of her. After a few minutes I ask her if she's still looking at the menu (because I'm hungry and would like to look it over). Remember, she's already been there at least 20 minutes, with a menu. She says to me curtly "yes. I am." Okay, whatever--you could've been friendlier about that but I'm not going to go out of my way to take offense.

But a little while later the guys and I are talking about religion--most of them (being South American) are Roman Catholic and we start discussing the difference between Roman Catholicism and Episcopalianism. I start saying "well, the main difference is political--we do not follow the Pope, we're part of a different power structure and have our own head.. But the structure of the mass is essentially the same and we have very similar styles..." She cuts me off "they're not similar, we don't talk about the Virgin Mary at all."

Okay, an academic aside here. Not having the Hail Mary as part of your Mass vs. "not talking about the Virgin Mary" are two different things. For one thing, I don't think the Catholics say Hail Marys during the Mass, I think that's a private--albeit very common--prayer, said as a penance after confession. Second, we DO "talk about Mary" in other ways. She shows up frequently in the Gospels, and the Magnificat--Mary's response to the Annunciation ("My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior....")--has been set to music many, many times in the Anglican tradition. I could sing a whole setting to you right now that I learned as a child, I remember it so well. For that matter, the Hail Mary has also been set to music many times in the Anglican tradition, the Bach/Gounod setting being one of the most well-known. Mary is certainly not ignored in the Episcopal church, although she is given more prominence within the Catholic church.

Anyway. I responded "what? Yes, we do--some parishes do at any rate." She took umbrage at this and started "I'm a lifelong confirmed Episcopalian--" Me: "As am I." "And I'm telling you we don't talk about the Virgin Mary!" I paused and said carefully "Well, it sounds like your parish does not. But Episcopal styles of worship vary greatly across the US--some are low church and some are high church, it's not as uniform as Roman Catholic services are. Very high church parishes often DO talk about Mary more because those types of parishes prefer the Catholic style even if they don't want to be part of the Catholic structure--" She got REALLY annoyed at this and kept trying to impress me with her "lifelong Episcopal" street cred. I got so annoyed, I was tempted to say "Yes, and my step-grandfather was an Episcopal priest who founded St. Andrew's school in Boca Raton. And my cousin was the Dean of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, who also baptized me--AT the Cathedral. You want pictures?" Luckily I resisted that urge because argument by authority is weak. You're not right because you have a degree in a subject or because of your personal background--you're right because your argument makes sense or your facts are correct.

It just...really pissed me off, I have to say. It was so pointlessly antagonistic. First, her jumping in to correct me like that, then to try to shut me up by citing her "lifelong" status. Stow it, girl. You have no idea who you're talking to, and you're inarticulate. Because I thought about it and a big part of the problem (besides her rudeness) was her wording--"we don't talk about the Virgin Mary at all." She should've said "we tend not to have the Marian emphasis that Roman Catholic churches do, although that varies by parish and region." THAT would've been nuanced, would've opened up the conversation in a new direction, would've been respectful.

So, because I was SO annoyed, I started explaining to the rest of the table what I just said above in my little academic aside. I talked about the Magnificat, about low church versus high church, about the similarities between RC masses and Episcopal masses [certain prayers MUST be said or sung, in a certain order--the Kyrie, Gloria Patri, the Agnus Dei, the Sanctus/Benedictus, etc.--if you've ever seen Agnes of God, they sprinkle the prayers throughout the script in the proper order]--plus you have the sacrament of Communion (with the elevation of the host), the lighting of the candles--in order for it to be a proper mass, both churches have these structural similarities. THEN I started talking about the difference between transubstantiation (Catholics believe during the elevation of the host an actual, literal miracle happens--the bread is turned into the flesh of Christ) whereas Episcopalians believe something happens, Christ's presence is in the Host, we're just not sure exactly how.

THEN I talked about St. Mary's in Times Square, the church I used to attend, which is ridiculously high church. I was explaining how during the Adoration of the Cross you actually kiss it, which is so Catholic I felt uncomfortable. I mean, I'm pretty high church but the next step after that is kissing the Pope's ring! I said how they frequently featured Marian tradition within their services.

So basically I opened up the floodgates and vomited all this onto the table and directed it all to the guys with a sweet Southern smile on my face. And mission accomplished because it SHUT HER THE FUCK UP. There was nothing she could say to that, I too obviously knew my stuff. And I hope she felt stupid and I don't feel bad. If she hadn't been so obnoxious and rude I probably would've made it more of a conversation as opposed to an impromptu lecture but...ugh, I was just so annoyed!

And what it really comes down to is territoriality and...well, I'm going to come right out and say it, only because at my age I've seen this enough times that modesty be damned. She's jealous. She's not a good soccer player, she's not attractive and a lot of these guys were being friendly to me. She could've been cool--most of these soccer groups are super cool--but no, she had to try to make me feel unwelcome, like I was intruding. And honey, that will backfire. I know exactly how to treat women like you. I become even nicer, smile even more, ignore your rudeness and chat the guys up even more. (THEY were friendly as hell to me--THEY were nice.) Women like that absolutely HATE it when you refuse to play on their terms, because it makes them look petty. Kill 'em with kindness, that's the Southern way. Honey, you've just triggered the heat-seeking missiles ;)

I went to Good Friday services this evening and sat through a long-ass (2 hour) service. There was a reading (plainchant, really) of the Passion (St. John's version), a veneration of the cross and a bunch of other things that took up lots of time. St. Mary's can eat up some darn time! I remember an Easter vigil service that was going on 3 hours! At any rate, as I was leaving the altar after Communion, I noticed this beautiful little chapel off to the right, filled with flora. After the service I snuck over there and checked it out--it was this tiny little side chapel (St. Mary's has a bunch of side chapels) that had all these floral arrangements clustered around the altar--I'm assuming they're altar flowers for the Easter services. The chapel was FULL of them, just jam-packed with beautiful flowers--lilies and roses and azeleas and honeysuckle and callalilies and orchids...just so beautiful. Beautiful beyond words. I hooked in there and obviously several other parishioners had also noticed the chapel because I was joined by at least 7 other people. We all sat in the chairs or lit candles, just gazing at this beauty. It was SO beautiful. If there'd been a chapel in the secret garden, it would've looked like this.

I sat there for a long while, just breathing in the lilies and the roses, and lit candles for my grandparents. I always think about my maternal grandparents at that church, since it's so actor-friendly.

...if the women at your service guild are already asking, "Is it too early for wine?" at a 10:30 a.m. meeting, and the answer is, "Of course not."

...when you watch Star Wars and they say "May the Force be with you", and you automatically reply "And with thy spirit."

...if someone says, "Let us pray" and you automatically hit your knees.

...if you recognize your neighbor, or rector, in the local liquor store *and* go over to greet him/her.

...if you think the height of haute cuisine is a little, triangular cucumber sandwich on white bread, crusts excised, stuck together...with a toothpick.

...if you know the meaning of "garth," "nave," and "undercroft"...AND can locate two out of the three.

...if you have totally memorized Rite I, Rite II and the first three episodes of The Vicar of Dibley.

...if you know the difference between a surplice and a cotta...and the appropriate! use of each.

...if hearing people pray in the language of "justwanna" makes you want to scream.

...if words like: "vouchsafe," "oblation," "supplications," "succor," "bewail," "wherefore," "dost," and "very" (in its archaic sense) are familiar to you even if you don't have a clue what they mean.

...if you can rattle off such tongue twisters like: "...who made there by his one oblation of himself once offered a full and perfect sacrifice, oblation and satisfaction for the sins of the world" and "Wherefore, O Lord and Heavenly Father, we thy people, do celebrate and make here with these gifts which we offer unto thee, the memorial thy Son hath commanded us to make..." without missing a beat.

...if your choir director suggests discussing something over a beer after choir rehearsal.

...if you catch yourself genuflecting or bowing as you enter a row of seats in a theater.

...if you can pronounce: "innumerable benefits procured unto us by the same."

...if you ever find yourself saying, "Oh, but we've never done it that way before."

...if, when visiting a Roman Church, you are the only Ah-men amongst a sea of Ai-mens.

...if your covered dish for the potluck dinner is escargot in puff shells.

...if you know "Smokey Mary's" is a church, not a bar. (Note--hell, it's MY church!)

...if you know that a sursum corda is not a surgical procedure.

...if you don't think Agnus Dei is a woman.

...if your picnic basket has sterling knives and forks (entree, fish, salad and cake).

...if you know that the nave is not a playing card.

...if your friend said "I'm truly sorry..." and you replied, "and you humbly repent?"

...if you know that the Senior Warden and the Junior Warden are not positions in the local prison.

...if you think the most serious breach of propriety one can commit is failure to chill the salad forks.

...if when asked, "Sister/Brother, have you accepted Jesus as your personal savior?" you respond "But isn't that a bit selfish?"

...if you think cheese and crackers are as essential as receiving the Sacred Host...

And finally...if you reach a point when you're not sure about anything theologically but you still feel completely at home at the altar rail and somehow know you're meeting God there, even though you can't begin to understand how.

Uh. Exhausted today. I stayed up too late last night putting together Doug's costume for Hillside. I hope it works.

While I was sewing, I watched a program on the History Channel about the search for Noah's Ark on Mount Ararat in Turkey. Fa-sci-na-ting. Absolutely fascinating. Apparently there have been many sightings over the years--a couple of people have actually claimed to see an actual ark, with decks and cages and a ladder. Also there have been shadowy photographs and CIA satellite images. Right now the mountain is closed by the government of Turkey because of fighting with the Kurds, but explorers are hoping to reopen it.

Just imagine, if we actually verified Noah's Ark. Just imagine...I would faint. The history...Noah's Ark...

I am craving freshly baked semi-sweet chocolate chip cookies right now. I gave up sweets for Lent, and the cravings haven't been too bad until now. Mmm...Easter is less than two weeks away.

I can't fathom the kind of hate that would compel someone to come to long Island all the way from Kansas, to hold up signs that says "God Hates Fags." And to bring your kids? These little ones given to your trust, and you teach them to hate? They're holding up signs and spouting unspeakable things, instead of playing with their toys and sleeping in a warm bed? I don't understand any of this.

I'm always torn when it comes to people like this. My first instinct is to ignore them, but then there's the idea of "for evil to triumph, the only requirement is for good people to do nothing." Is it strategic or just cowardly (or lazy) to ignore something like this? Are the F--- P-----es of the world looking for attention, or is there another agenda? So then my reaction is to yell back, because what they say and represent gets me so viscerally. But realistically I know that wouldn't accomplish anything--you'd have two people yelling instead of one. But I don't think I'm evolved enough to return love for hate. I know I should but that's really hard. I have a very difficult time with the whole "turn of the other cheek" of the Christian philosophy. I am a warrior. Maybe the struggle against hatred requires teachers and people who love, and not warriors. Maybe I should beat my sword back into a plowshare.

I got the book in the mail that I'd ordered last week from Amazon, Escape to Witch Mountain. For those who only know the movie, it's very different. It's much darker for one thing--the kids are older, around 12 and 14, and their odd physical appearance is stressed more ("...their pale hair and olive skins, their slenderness, and their dark-blue eyes that were almost black") so they're not quite so cinematically cute as Ike Eisenmann and Kim Richards were. Also, Tia cannot talk (audibly). And it's got a very late '60s feel to it, with its portrayal of the burnt out inner city and gangs with switchblades. Another thing I noticed just now is how even though Tony and Tia are not practitioners of any sort of organized religion, Christianity (well, Roman Catholicism) is portrayed quite sympathetically in the book. The nun tells them about the letter, and Father O'Day is of enormous assistance, aiding their escape to the mountains and giving them a sympathetic name, and even following them down there. I love his thundering speech to the baddies at the end--"Don't ever confuse your master with mine!...Do you think the Lord on high is so frail that this little planet, with its greedy little people, is all that he [sic--should be capitalized] can do? Bah!...Get out of my sight! Go tell the rest of your kind there are marvels in Creation far beyond their narrow dreamings." More things on Heaven and earth, Horatio...Humility in Creation. Something fundamentalists should ponder.

One false step is that Tia can open locks "if it's right"--that strikes me as odd. A moral force is interceding there that would be inconsistent with true abilities--any other aptitude or ability (athleticism, strength, intelligence) is outside a moral structure--it's up to the person who has the ability to use it for right, as it were.

The movie's good but the book, as always, is so much better.