Do I wake or sleep?

Today during "The Carriage Song" when Katie and I are trotting around behind Grant (who's acting as the coachman) and we're pointing and waving to imaginary people on the side of the road, I whispered to Katie "Miss Emily, why do we keep seeing the same house over and over again? It's creeping me out!" (There are photos and etchings of the Mount Vernon Hotel at various periods in its history, from the late 1700s to today). She whispered back "there it is again!"

After that number, Katie mentioned to me a cute little boy who was sitting in the 12:00 section--she said he'd been very enthusiastic, so she was going to pick him for the Lady interactive. I couldn't pick him for the Work song interactive, but I made sure to involve him when I ask the kids who are sitting to help us stir. I asked him to "taste" the fruit stew, and did we possibly need more cinnamon? He "tasted" it, nodded inportantly, and said "yes, I think so." I said "yes, I think a little cinnamon tastes very good in the apple jams. Papa got some cinnamon sticks in the City yesterday, let me grind some into the kettle." He beamed, espcially when I gave him a shout out during the debriefing session.

Yesterday was our public performance--Seth, Rachel, Michael, Jason and Benjamin came, along with a...friend of mine, Ted. It was so nice seeing so many friendly faces in the crowd and frankly, it was great actually getting to sing for my friends! It's been forever since I've done a musical where people could actually hear me in a solo. YAY. We had a HUGE house yesterday--that was definitely the biggest house we've ever had for the public show. We also had two press people there (soft press, like some kind of kids' magazine or something, but still...). The show went very well except for when my petticoat came loose during Miss Emily's pratfall. I was stuck throughout that whole scene, the "Lady is a Lady" number and the Lady interactive, tugging on my skirt, trying to hold onto the slipping petticoat. It inhibited my performance, to say the least :)

I feel very Lush today. I went to Lush last night since everyone raves about it so much, and I bought a cleanser (Angels on Bare Skin) and a couple of their massage bars, and one of their exfolating/moisturizer bars. Also picked up some samples--toner, moisturizer and shampoo. I tried the shampoo last night--it's really weird to think of shampooing from a solid bar but by George, it works! The moisturizer/exfoliant bar kicked ass as well.---it felt soooooo good to scrub with that thing. I love how it all smells, too. And it's less expensive than I thought it would be--a lot of it was pretty reasonably priced, although almost $20 for a bottle of that toner seems a bit much. I'll stick with my Witch Hazel for now, thanks. But I had the nicest, Lush shower last night, all squeaky clean and smelling nice and exfoliated. I was kind of glowing in front of my computer :)

This morning as I was getting ready, (feeding the bebehs, ablutions, etc.), I noticed the door to the first bedroom was ajar...and two bad little tabbies had wandered into the living room. (I will say, Miss Ebony Jones and Little Girl were both in there and saw them, and none of the four cats seemed too bothered. Maybe they can co-exist...) We've been trying to keep them separated until I get quite settled in, but Tibby has been wildly curious about what's behind Door No. 2. I put up a hook and latch that only fastens from inside the room, so when I leave the room, my only security is to close it as hard as I can. Clearly that's not much security against a determined tabby. THEN when I came into the room and latched the hook so I could get dressed, Tibby jumped onto the TV console and UNHOOKED IT. Oh my God! My cat has just jumped ahead in the evolutionary queue. I can't believe he figured it out! I hung my keys on it to weigh it down, scolded him, and when I left I pracically glued it shut. Doodness, such BAD little boys and dirls.

We had a rowdy bunch of kids today--a mixture of 2nd and 4th graders. They all enjoyed the show but we had to bang the pan quite a bit to get them to settle down. We're taping the show on Friday! Now I can finally add some video content of me singing to my website.

We had our second dress rehearsal yesterday and today we opened. The kids have been very sweet so far--today they were pretty young (2nd graders) but extremely enthusiastic. They were wiggling with excitement as I came down the stairs and waving and saying hi--so cute! One of them even hugged me after the Work Song interactive and said "'Bye, Sarah." I never got that as George, because George is like another kid, whereas Sarah is like a big sister. I've been having major costume and hair issues though. Apparently I am smaller than our previous Sarahs and since the hooks are so loose, they're unhooking spontaneously. I did my entire first number, the ballad "What Was here Before," with the hooks coming undone, and when Zoe came out for her entrance, we had a whole conversation as she's casually standing behind me and refastening the hooks. Then my hair has been slipping out of the pins, so we've been spraying the crap out of it, and today Katie did it in a French braid and tucked it under. It looks a little severe to me, but everyone said they liked it.

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day and of course Tim had his annual party overlooking the parade. I took Katie to it--finally this year, Tim had an actual guest list. Friends of friends have been crashing it for years now, people he doesn't even know who take advantage of his generosity. So rude, and finally he put his foot down and the result was a much nicer party where it wasn't ridiculously crowded. She and I got there and had some cool drinks called Dublin Apples--Irish Whiskey (Tim has sponsors, including Michael Collins Whiskey--we got some swag), Sour Apple Schnapps and cranberry juice. There was some yummy food and we fixed some plates and watched the parade and talked. I introduced her to Chuck Sullivan, part owner (or former part-owner?) of the NE Patriots and some other sports team) with whom Tim and I used to date. We also met an agent who works under Tim with whom Tim and I played trivia a couple of time. He seemed to be flirting a little with Katie--good-looking guy, he actually looks a little like Jon, Mike and Doug's Rutgers friend. I told her today maybe we could set up another trivia team with 4-5 people (so it doesn't look as though we're trying to set them up) so they could talk more.



Katie loved the music--at one point we were in the room with the musician and she was singing along with all the songs. There was another very old guy who was also really into the music--we asked who he was and it turned out the guy was Italian! He looked it too, he could've been at the wedding that kicks off The Godfather.





Afterward we went to Marie's and hung out there for a little while. Jim Allen was playing and he and I sang through some of Little Mary Sunshine, including "Mata Hari," but then I grew sleepy and decided to go home. I slept a little on the train but when I got off in Astoria I felt refreshened so I convinced the Mickster to get a St. Paddy's Day beer. We went to a DIVE, a real crusty beerhole right around the corner. A woman with a toothless, beery grin got us our beers and lots of drunken denizens greeted us. Good times. It was like an Astoria Cheers!

On Saturday I went to the Upper East Side to conduct an alumna interview for Sweet Briar. The interview went well (she's adorable--very well-read and intellectually curious) and I am planning to recommend her to the admissions board. Afterward I intended to go to the internet cafe and the bank but when I stepped out, the day had turned at least ten degrees colder. I was suddenly seized with shivering and decided to go back home and change into something warmer, then go back downtown. I took the train home, shivering the whole way, and when I got back to my apartment, took the longest, hottest shower I could--at least 25 minutes long. I just could not get warm. Then I made soup, which I wasn't hungry for. Gradually I realized I was actually SICK--I felt achy and weird, and I took my temperature and it had gone up to almost 100. For the rest of the evening I kind of stared at the TV and wrapped myself in blankets. I eventually went to sleep but of course had a terrible time of it.

The next morning I almost couldn't stand. I had to call Michael to say I wouldn't be able to go to Romance, Romance that evening, and he was kind enough to bring me some ice cream (the only thing I could think about eating). My temperature had gone up to 101.8 by this time. I dozed a lot and around 4 pm, I started feeling a little better--I could at least move around the apartment. The rest of the day I ate some and coughed a lot.

This morning I was coughing quite a bit--I have to go to work, then to rehearsal, then BACK to work. At rehearsal I'm going to ask Karen if she can cut it short--I just don't have the stamina for a runthrough today.

Yesterday, we had our "official" opening performance of Fare for All (we had a dress rehearsal with audience on Friday). We had a biggish house, made up of kids from some PS in Brooklyn (?). They were excited and antsy and noisy but they were into the show. The problem came when we did the interactive sections--there are several in the show, where we call up 4-5 kids and give them objects to handle and show them how to "work" with the objects, and then we explain it to the audience (that is, the kids who didn't get called up). The first one went fine, a little hyper but okay. But the second one was crazy--I was close to yelling, trying to get the audience to be quiet for about three minutes, and the fucking lazy useless teeth-sucking teachers just sat there, looking at their nails, making calls on their cells. As far as they were concerned, it was a 2-hour coffee break. Not one of them stood up and told her students to be quiet. Two of them even got into a fight, and they didn't do anything--Karen, the SM, had to wade in to break it up. We are not babysitters! It's YOUR job to tell these kids to be quiet! Not to mention, my character, George, is presented to them as another kid, he's just like them, and they see the interactive sections as playtime to some extent. There's no way they'll listen to me trying to get them to be quiet. I was really angry after that, as were all the other actors. I didn't blame the kids--I blamed their useless teachers.

Today went MUCH better. We had about the same size house, but these kids were a little less antsy albeit just as enthusiastic. The second interactive, the problem one from yesterday, went especially well--the kids really took over (in a good way) and were very proactive about explaining their object and what they were doing with it to the other kids. After the interactive, when I sit them back down, I said "Thank you SO much!" and this one adorable, ponytailed little girl leaned in and said "That was so! Fun!" in this pert little voice. Oh my God--TOO CUTE.

Starbucks had free coffee this morning but I didn't get there in time :( But it's okay, because when I left the theater, the busses had just left and were idling at the light, and when I walked up to the corner, I was greeted with a sea of madly waving hands.

Karen from Fare For All emailed me last week--they've gotten new funding for it and she'd like me to play George (10-year-old boy George) again. FFA is an educational show I've done twice now--once in Feb./March 2001, and then again in Oct./Nov. 2002. Mark Hollman, who wrote Urinetown, wrote it, and actually music-directed it the first time in 2001, right before Urinetown hit Broadway. I remember him telling me about it--
"yeah, I'm doing this show with this weird name." He's a nice guy. I had a good time doing the show both times--for one thing, I love playing weird character roles like that, and what's more counterintuitive for a lil' vixen like me than to play a 10-year-old boy? Karen, the SM, is great and the rest of the crew is great as well although weirdly, there's always been one bad apple in the cast--2001, the woman playing Flora su-hu-hucked (nice woman but would NOT learn her lines), and in 2002, the woman playing my sister was pretty irritating as well (NOT nice). I notice Jen wasn't asked back--hmmm! It's too bad she was such a twit, as we actually did look alike. Rachel, who played my sister the first year, had curly dark, almost black hair and big brown eyes. But she rocked.

Karen wasn't kidding about the new funding--we're getting paid a lot more than the previous two years. Sweet! I did think I didn't want to play it again after the last time--not because I didn't enjoy the experience, but just because I don't want to play it too safe. But--I like working with Karen, and I love playing this little boy. And it'll keep me motivated. I'll do it one more time.

Please God, if Frank is playing Papa again, PLEASE let him learn about the joys of breath mints.

Hmm. Last night was interesting. Joy and I did an encore presentation (two condensed scenes) of Fare for All for a group made up of theater educators and museum people, some from all over the world. We came in early, ran a dress rehearsal (they'd added a bunch of new explicatory lines for me, because we were only doing two scenes) and then they had a reception in the garden which was very nice. That's a beautiful garden, all apple trees and ivy. Too bad there are these tall modern buildings looming over it--they really box it in.

After the reception Joy and I hung out in the kitchen during a looong talk by Dorothy (all about methodology and so forth) and then we did the two scenes. All went fine. But when we tried to take our bow and make our escape, Dorothy stood in the center and started talking--Joy and I retreated to our respective chairs. Then the gloves came off. Some of the people were so snippy about the play--saying things like "I'm hearing all these right wing buzzwords like entertainment and frankly, I find it appalling" and "you're getting very defensive." Some of the stuff was interesting but some was just pedagogues with a couple of glasses of wine in them, wanting to say something, anything. "I have an opinion!" I hate it when you're at a meeting and someone just wants to hear their own voice. Anyway. Some of the black women kept talking about Flora's (Joy's character) position as a maid, and how this would make the black kids feel bad--they wanted to hear more about Cato Alexander (he's mentioned several times in the play--he was a black hotel owner who was competition for Mr. Woodhull in the play). Well, the truth is that Flora is much more representative of black workers of the time than Cato Alexander. And frankly, for her time, she didn't have it so bad. Yes, she had to work hard but she was earning a decent wage. When did being a maid/honest labor become something to make you feel bad? If you need to "feel good" how about taking pride in the fact that you were able to maintain a family, or pay your bills, or save to start your own business, while working in said labor job? And education's primary goal should NOT be to make someone feel good--it should be to start a conversation. Are we supposed to ignore that the Floras of the 1830s existed because that might make the black kids feel bad? That's completely unhistorical. History isn't supposed to make you feel good, it's supposed to hold a mirror up to you and teach a lesson. We have to know the good and the bad of history (and that's assuming Flora's position was "bad." As I said, it could've been a lot worse. She could've been a street merchant, she could've been a prostitute, she could've been destitute) or we can't learn from it.

I loved it when Joy finally stood up and defended the play and said Flora was a strong and worthy character and a bunch of other things. Later on, one person was (again) criticizing how disenfranchised the black audience would be and someone spoke out "Hello, did you not HEAR this STRONG Black woman (gesturing to Joy) talking about the play??" Too funny.

Something else I found telling, and sad--everyone had an opinion on how the black character was portrayed--no one gave a shit about the female characters, who worked just as hard. Not one person mentioned them. In fact there's a whole song about how "ladies" have to look like they're delicate and frail, but actually work their asses off. More proof that people consider racism worse than sexism in this country.

Anyway, we finally escaped to the kitchen--some people followed us there and were complimenting us and the play. This one cute black guy (he was adorable, although my gaydar was tripping a bit) was all "Fuck them, they've just had too much wine. Y'all were great." I met this one lady later who was telling Joy and me about a program in Indiana where for 90 minutes they replicate the experience of being an escaped slave--they hunt for you and you have to find safe houses and so forth. Now that sounds interesting and so educational--but according to some of these pedagogues, this isn't acceptable because it would make people feel bad. I think it sounds awesome--that's exactly what history should do. Joy thought it sounded great too.

Joy and I walked over to Lex Ave. together. We talked about black hair issues and I told her how I'd always wanted beads in my hair. Someday, I vow...

Jesus. Jesus. Can someone please respect the fact that I have to fucking work? Goddammit, Karen, I have to work. WORK. DURING THE DAY. FuckfuckFUCK. I don't want to rehearse this stupid scene and now I'm sorry I agreed to do it.

Today was a gorgeous day, crisp, sunny, chilly. So nice. I love the Northeast in the fall.

Jennifer, in Fare for All, really worked my last nerve today. After the show we do a Q&A session with the kids. One of the kids stood up and said, "How does Sarah sing so good?" Sarah, of course, is the character Jennifer plays. Jennifer sort of tittered and said, "Well, I'm going to let out my actor ego here--yes, I am a good singer." And then went on in interminable detail about singing lessons, and how much she practices, and how she was when she started and blah blah blah. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud. Only you, Jen. No thank you, no graciousness, 'cause it's all about you. And in front of kids too--nice example to set. Priceless.

Which is not to say I think we should all be paragons of false modesty--not at all. You have to have a sturdy ego to survive in this business, because we deal with so much disappointment. But you just don't say things like that to a general audience. It's crass. It's pushy. Let your work speak for itself, and graciously thank whoever is kind enough to give you a compliment.

I ordered a convector toaster from HSN, of all places. It's bigger than my current toaster oven, and it's a convector oven. I can't wait until it gets here--I've already made space for it on the little white table by installing one of those tiny shelves that stands on flat surfaces and...makes space. You normally put them over sinks but it works very well here as well. I really really need to be baking breads and cookies and cakes. Damn, I'm domestic sometimes. Who knew?

My cousin Colin is coming to visit next week for almost a week. He is thrilled, and I'm pretty excited too. I love spending time with the family peeps. Blood calls out to blood, as they say. He's a jazz musician, so I expect we'll be hitting a few clubs while he's here. Y'all let me know if you have any suggestions or want to come along.

A semi-annoying experience at rehearsal for Fare for All today. Frank, who plays Mr. Woodhull (my character's father) is one of those annoying older men that always tries to assume the leadership role whenever he's around women. I had a dentist like that--always talked down to me, very heavy-handed with the patronizing--and ya know what? He ain't my dentist anymore. So you lost an account because you couldn't adapt to the modern world. Nice going. Anyway, we were discussing a scene (not one of his) where one of the character tries to drop a lot of French phrases, so as to appear sophisticated, and I was translating for them. He kept butting in and offering input, and it was butting in because he's not even in that scene and had left the auditorium. Frank, I have it covered. Really. I speak French and these are simple phrases. How about not trying, for once, to assert your superior knowledge? I know it'll be difficult but work with me here.

I remember last year he would go on and on about various aspects of the industry in this very pedantic tone, and yesterday I didn't see him in time to avoid having to walk with him for a block or two as we were approaching the museum. He was asking me about Dik and Jayne and kept saying, "So who's been seeing it? Anyone important? Any agents? Do you think you'll get any other work out of this?" I tried to brush it off, saying I didn't know who was in the audience and he brought it up again, and then "reassured" me by saying "Well, you might get work out of this, you never know" in this "don't feel bad" tone. Um, I don't feel bad. I love doing this show; I'm proud of the work I'm doing, which is why I do theater. I don't do shows obsessing about the next project--I throw myself into whatever I'm doing. God, that's one reason I hate being around so many actors; they care more about their career than their art. Standing around at parties, smoking cigarettes and saying "Whatareyoudoing, whatshowareyouin, Imet[randomCD]atapartytheothernight"---whatever!! Worry about the quality of the work you're doing first, and then worry about the career stuff. Maybe if Frank thought more about basic courtesies to fellow actors like breath mints (why does this always happen to me? Why, God?), he would stop alienating his cast and possibly get in some networking.