Do I wake or sleep?

This beautiful, lovely light--I want to lie in it, bathe in it, run around in it, drink it...It's so lovely, this endless, shimmery, tactile thing that dances on your eyelids.

Jordan sent me an email--he wants to shoot me again, and asked if it was warm enough. The last time we shot on my roof, I was shivering the entire time. Well, most of the time. We got some good shots but I was not enjoying it. But soooon, it will be warm enough for me to dance naked through the streets of Manhattan.

I can't wait until May and June and July, when we can start having cookouts. I miss cookouts since moving up to NYC, and now I have a place and so does Mike where we can both have them. Grilled burgers! Beer! Music! Margaritas! Corn on the cob!

I met Jordan yesterday for coffee, so I could look over the slides of our silhouette sessions together. I wanted to pick out a pose to blow up and frame for my living room. Jordan convinced me to pick out three poses, and I could mount and matte them all in on tryptich frame. At one point sitting there, he was watching me look at the slides and he said "This is one of those moments when I realize this is the life. I'm sitting here in New York, in the center of the world, with a beautiful woman looking at nude slides that I took of her. My friends who are like, lawyers and brokers and all, they don't get it--I tell them what I do, they check out my website and I get these random emails from them saying 'fuck you.'" I found that funny.

We got involved in an interesting conversation about mob mentality--I'd been talking about the show Parade--but he had to go. He's bringing over the prints next week.

Yesterday evening after work, I walked over to Dionysus Studios to try to figure out again what might be happening there. Again I couldn't get up to the 4th floor--I saw the super and he took me up. They are indeed closed, for good. That's just the strangest thing I've ever heard of. You don't sink a lot of money into a new business like that and then close the doors a few months later. The whole thing is weird weird weird. He ddn't know anything more--like why--but at least I know for sure now. Damn. They were inexpensive and good.

A crappy, crappy day. Disgusting, nasty, drippy rain that went on all fucking day long. I do not exaggerate. All day long. We had our final dress rehearsal today for Fare for All for which we were supposed to have an audience but the trash that was supposed to show up, didn't. And didn't bother calling, so we waited around in costume until finally one of the Mount Vernon Hotel historians called them. Excuses, blah blah, whatthefuckever. Rude, rude, rude.

Jennifer was getting on my nerves a bit at the runthrough--she was being annoying about this Papermill audition for Camelot, complaining because when we were still thinking this group was just late, she thought they'd make her late for this audition. The tone is what was getting to me--she has got be one of the most self-absorbed people I know. It's all about her, always. Her husband, her gigs, her amazing resume. She kept saying "I should be able to go to the callbacks--I was the understudy for Guinevere in the National Tour." The National tour, Jen? I think you mean a national tour, since it was non-union. They're not quite the career-making gig you seem to assume.

Afterward, I went out into the rain (which never stopped, not once) and took the subway down to Reproductions on 37th, to drop off the contact sheets for Jordan that I accidentally took. (*hangs head in shame*) Did so, called him, he said he'd be calling me about "what to do next" or something like that. Got a stupid thrill of pleasure from that.

Left Reproductions and started making my laborious way back uptown to get to a doctor's appointment. Took two trains to get up to 72nd St., almost killed myself as I entered the building, due to the slippery wet marble floor (which was wet because it was raining. All day). Got up to the fifth floor--and there was a sign on the door saying that all the day's appointments had been canceled because the doctor was sick. I felt sick. I was pretty frustrated--I took off the afternoon for this appointment. I could've been shopping, I could've been at work, I could've been home sleeping. It's nobody's fault; it's just very disappointing. Very very disappointing. My whole body aches from walking all over the fucking city with my bag of show stuff, and it was all for naught.

Now I have to try to reschedule this, and I just don't know where I can fit it in. I have 4-5 doctor/dentist appointments scheduled over the next couple of weeks, and this place doesn't take anyone on the weekends. *Sigh*

Killed time until I had to be at Lazard for the evening, and got (nicely) chewed out by Mary for adding on extra hours (which Matt said I could do way back when and now doesn't remember. Thanks, dude). I've been staying later when I can because I always want to pick up hours but I guess I'm just going to have to trust I'll get enough hours and assignments, and save as much as I can in case I don't. At least one good thing is happening: L has an extra Knicks ticket, so I'm going to meet him at the game. Yay. It's always great to hang out with him.

*sigh* Maybe tomorrow will be better.