Do I wake or sleep?

So, the Planet Connections Awards Ceremony was last night--and I won!!!! "Outstanding Actress in a Featured Role of a Play" says my award--yay!

Eeeeeehhhh!!!!

I also performed in the ceremony--they asked me to sing the opening song in character (as Roberta). The song was terrific but I didn't get it until Monday and we didn't rehearse until Thursday--and then only had two rehearsals over all, INCLUDING the tech! So I was a little nervous about that, for sure. Amada (one of the PCTF bigwigs) was one of my backup singers. And I made a new friend! As part of the number I interacted with one of the other nominees (for "Best Solo Performance") and a couple of people commented on our "chemistry" so we're FB-friending each other. I was a little disappointed I didn't get to do the "red carpet" thing--the schedule was supposed to be 6:30-7:30 Red Carpet/Cocktail Reception and we *should've* been finished with the tech by then, so I'd planned to change into the orange dress, be photographed in that, and then change into the red dress before the start of the show at 7:30. This did not happen--we didn't finish rehearsing the number until 7:15. Lord! No time at all to mingle, drink or change. And my hair--I was able to try to curl it during the tech but it didn't help at ALL. My hair has gotten so long, it just pulls the curls out. Even spray gel didn't help. I squeezed into the red dress and then waited FOREVER for the show to start--as I was waiting, one of the staffers wanted to take my picture on the red carpet for the website. She ended up taking two pictures, one of regular Clara and one as Roberta.

The number went pretty well. I made one mistake but nobody noticed, and I was actually enjoying myself, lots of energy. That is definitely one thing I have as a musical performer, is ENERGY! During the rehearsal period for my ship contract, when the musical director and choreographer were telling us about the "Greas'd Lightnin'" show, they said there were six characters--the Greaser (Danny/Kenicki type), the "Bad Girl" (Rizzo type), the Nerd, the "Nice Girl" (sandy type), the Class President and the Cheerleader. I said Can I be the Cheerleader? They smiled mirthlessly and said oh, don't worry--you were the FIRST person we cast! (When we learned the 'ography for the "One Singular Sensation" show, I was CONSTANTLY getting the note "Stop bouncing! Learn to glide!" Although my bouncing definitely helped during the "Land of 1000 Dances" number.)



Me as the Cheerleader, with my friend Mickey as the Nerd

After the number I went downstairs and changed as quickly as I could--I'd worn my red hearts dress for the Roberta number but wanted to wear The Commando Dress (that orange racer-back dress--so sexy!). Amada offered me a glass of wine, most of which I gulped down (we weren't allowed food or drink on the auditorium) and we chatted for a while. I told her how much I liked the Festivity--I said not only is the PCTF a good thing overall, by furthering various charities and "teaching" people (for lack of a better word), but it is clear that Glory and the rest of the team respect the art and the craft of what we do as theater professionals. None of which can be said about some OTHER theater festivals! I think it's wonderful that Glory has put together such a solid endeavor in only a few years--well-done and I'm proud to be associated with it. I told Amada about how we as artists hear so frequently that what we do is basically self-indulgent and something like PCTF contradicts that--I also told her about the volunteering my 2008 Xmas Carol cast did, and how seeing Xmas Carol in '07 inspired Holly to start her Guatemala endeavor. See, art CAN make a difference--not just in attitudes (although that is important) but in actual measurable change.

After this I ran back upstairs and sat with Duncan, Chris and Akila, Heather and Doug. Doug won and then they announced me right after him. (Woo hoo!) It seemed there was some kind of ballsup with the actual physical awards, as I and several other winners did not actually get our awards until after the ceremony when they FOUND them! I know that when I went backstage after the first number, I walked through several extremely stressed out staffers sitting on the floor amidst a bunch of papers, saying things to each other like "have you found 'Best Actress in a Musical'?" And one poor presenter read off THE WRONG NAME--not the name of a non-winner, but a winner for another category. Poor girl was horrified. Luckily I think most people didn't quite understand. I saw a lot of the PCTF plays this year but seemingly none of the ones that won anything! I will say, one the actresses that beat out Heather--well, I saw that show and not to be unkind but I think they made a mistake. She wasn't impressive. Doug agreed with me. And there was another show that sounded (and looked) fantastic, called Wanderlust--they did a bit from it for the ceremony and Duncan told me he'd heard the 'ography* was amazing.

After the ceremony we all went back downstairs and mingled. The show started VERY late so we didn't have that much time for the after party (we had to be out of the space by a certain hour). Heather and I wanted to buzz Scott (also in the cast) who usually tends bar at his champagne bar Flute on Sunday evenings but as it turned out, he wasn't there last night, so Duncan, Heather and I ended up going to Pig & Whistle and I totally nommed on some crab and asiago dip. YUM. Then I got home and called my Mom, who was thrilled.

So exciting!


*The director for the ceremony (the guy who staged it) used this term--this is literally the first person I've heard say "'ography" since my ship contract. I need to get back to musical theater, I'm losing touch with my roots! Duncan, write me a musical :)

So, Ashley and I saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2 Friday night.

LOVED it. ( Here Be Spoilers )

There was a family in front of us on line with two adorable girlnerds (one had the lightning scar, the other had spectacles). They had only seen the movies, hadn't read the books, so they had no idea what was going to happen. Afterwards we ran into them again and I had to explain why Snape and Lily stopped being friends.

Hogwarts' Rate Your Professors page!

Adam, the SM for Sweeter Dreams, had a cast party last night. It was fun seeing all the other cast members and chatting with Jenna, but I have to say, I am really over parties that expect the guests to BYOB and which provide almost no food (he had a bag of cheese balls, a bag of pretzels and some uninspired hummus and crackers). What is the point of hosting a party if you don't provide anything? He's in his 30s, he's too old to be that slack of a host. Order a goddamn pizza, for the love of God. Break out $20 for a case. You're an adult, act like one. In addition to no liquor and almost no food, he had NO AC! I parked in front of the biggest fan he had pretty much all night.

Adam is an okay guy some of the time, and he was a great SM for the show. But he can act very strangely sometimes--he acts familiar with me, and I really don't know him that well. I get the feeling he's awkwardly trying to flirt with me--if that is the case, oh Adam. Just stop.

I got my TICK-ets
For Harry POT-ter
La la la LA la [/childish singsong of celebration]

Dallas is starting up production again! Aw yeah!

I'll have to change my ringtone back to the theme :)

Rape cops previously harassed, ridiculed, attacked another young drunk woman, including refusing to file a report that she'd been robbed, including "calling her a 'cunt' and a 'bitch.'"

Get. Out. Really? Rapist cops have previous issues with women? Rapist cops have established a pattern of misogyny? No!

Not that it matters--according to the shit-for-brains jury, only DNA matters! Taped confessions, filmed intrusions--nope, none of that matters, only the silver DNA bullet! God forbid we actually have to think for ourselves and use our common sense!

Sad to say, I wonder how significant it is that that victim in this case was a fellow Latina--like maybe they thought they could get away with it because she's also Latino.

Kenneth Moreno and Franklin Mata. Every time their names are Googled, I want this shit to come up. Good luck getting a job in this economy, rapist fired cops.

Cop Rape lawyers trying to silence victim at sentencing.

In addition to asking the judge to forbid the accuser of speaking at the sentencing, lawyers for the men also requested that the charges against their clients be tossed out, because "for a person to be guilty of official misconduct, that person must both commit an unauthorized act and do so to obtain a benefit." Being present in the woman's apartment was the "unauthorized act," but because the men were acquitted of rape, their counsel argues that there was no benefit, therefore no crime.

There is a special place in hell for these thug piece of shit "lawyer" and his two rapists clients. I really, really hope both these rapists get the full sentence at the House of Many Doors. I hear they just looooove ex-cops there.

Friday evening I went down to the Gene Frankel to see the last Planet Connections show I could, Doug's (our Tom in Sweeter Dreams) other show, Hummingbirds. Not bad at all--his performance was great, as were the two women. One of them (the two women) buttonholed me two weeks ago after Sweeter Dreams, raving about my performance and...touching me?! Not inappropriately but flirtatiously. I certainly wasn't offended but was wondering if I'd interpreted that correctly and later Duncan said "oh yeah, she was all over you." Okay, then! Anyway, she and the other woman, whom I'd seen in another PC show, Loose Women... (she was great) were both very strong. I couldn't hang out to compliment anyone afterwards, as I had to book way back uptown to catch the end of Jason's "Take Back the Park" viewing--I guess I'm sort of a mascot now!

I got there and it was a bit of a bust, due to the clouds. There were about 5 other men besides Jason--he introduced me and then he and I talked for a bit. After the interview came out the day before, Jason had emailed me, calling me "very brave" and he followed up on this. I demurred a bit--I'm not traumatized, and nothing lasting happened to me, other than radicalizing me even MORE about rape and violence against women. It's not brave, it's just facts. At any rate, he told me that he thinks the interview was not just on local radio, but on "All Things Considered"--which is national! Wow! He thinks this because some friends of his heard the interview in New jersey, out of range of local NYC radio stations. Pretty cool!

I got home and heard the AMAZING NEWS!!!! YAAAAAAAAYYYYY!!! So, so happy for all my gay friends and family--we truly are all brothers and sisters in the eyes of God! So happy that the New York legislators did the right thing. It is TIME! I started weeping, reading the explosion of joy of Facebook. Then the historian in me was even more moved reading what the legislators had said to explain their affirmative votes--this especially got to me:

Republican Senator Mark Grisanti then spoke about his struggle before coming to his decision to vote for the bill. "A man can be wiser today than he was yesterday," he said.

This is literally bringing tears to my eyes. This is how progress is made. This is how we make things better, not just for us but for those around us. This is the difficult, incremental process of social evolution. There has seemed to be so much anger and hatred for the past 20 years in politics--so many wedge issues, so much pointless divisiveness, so much cruelty. (Specifically, I'm thinking of shitty, godless Pat Robertson blaming 9-11 on feminism and homosexuality. That's not partisan, that's not ideological or true to your religious beliefs, that's just being a nasty, cruel piece of shit.) I'm not kidding myself that it's all ended--I know it hasn't. But by God, in the past 3 years, we've elected a black man to our highest office, and we've just doubled the number of gay people in this country who can be married. Even the setbacks are being nullified, like when Prop 8 was overturned in the courts. I love reading about the '60s--there was so much incredible heroism in the civil rights and anti-war movements, and so much history was made. It happened so quickly. My friends, these are our sixties. This is our time, our chance to change the world for the better. To grow, to accomplish--to change the world.

By the way, I just called my state senator and thanked him for voting yes on Friday. His assistant was thrilled, thanked me and told me also to email him, which I will.

Saturday was the final performance of Sweeter Dreams--Christine was there, as was my friend Linda, as well as Jason and Caroline. Jason was right up front laughing at everything, it was great. I had a little fun with the interview scene and finally FINALLY got a laugh on my throwaway snark on Joanna Remarque. I made two small adjustments--I emphasized my criticism of her in my first monologue just a little bit more, to set it up, and then in the interview I made the eye roll bigger and FINALLY got a laugh! I also added a new obnoxiously correct pronunciation--Spielberg is now Schpeelberg, the way the Germans would say it. Heather told me they all laughed backstage when they heard that.

After the show Jason and I got Mexican food and just had a nice long convo. I had plans to have dinner with Tim so I raced hom and got ready, then I met him at Houston's by the Lipstick Building (one of my favorite buildings in the city). We talked forevs, had a lovely time. He thinks the cop rape verdict is complete bullshit, BTW. We went to a bar for a nightcap and the Yankees game was on--they showed a guy sliding headfirst in slomo and I commented that I'd done hook slides (and of course regular slides) but I'd never slid head first, I was too nervous about messing up my face.

Sunday I slept quite late--finally got up and cleaned and got ready for my Sunday softball game. We played the Northwestern team and HAMMERED them. The final score was 12-1. Yikes! I hit .500, plus a sacrifice grounder. And I was part of a double-play--there was a runner at 2nd who was caught between the bases when our center fielder caught it. I yelled "Throw it here, he has to tag up!" And when I got the ball, ran his ass down, even though I could've just ran back to 2nd base. But what fun would that have been? :) It's more fun to tag them!

At one point I was on 1st base and someone popped it up to the infield--the 2nd and 1st base players weren't communicating too well, so I gambled, thinking they wouldn't catch it. Well, the 2nd basewoman DID catch it so I was in trouble since I hadn't tagged up! I DOVE back to 1st base just under the tag--so now I can say yes, I HAVE slid head first!

After the game 5 of us hung around for batting practice and then we went over to a bar when the Northwestern team told us they'd be. And--I think one of my teammates was flirting with me? Sometimes it's hard to tell. But he seems to direct a lot of attention my way--he's always teasing me or asking me questions, and then he was comparing our gloves (his is huge and expensive, mine is very old--I've had it since I was 8-9--and NOT-expensive) he said something like "I'll only buy her a good one if she goes on a date with me." Um, what?! I'm just saying, my female radar is pinging. He is cute, though. Anyway, we all had pitchers and maued wings. Nom, nom, nom...

Kind of cool thing is happening out of a terrible thing. As I posted a few days ago, a man raped a woman two weekends ago in Inwood Hill Park. Jason Kendall has twice-weekly astronomy viewings in the park, and the PTB were less than enthusiastic about after-dark activity in the park, and Jason was putting together a Take Back the Park event.

This actually led to a contretemps between me and someone on the FB list for Jason's Astronomy Viewings, some guy named John who just HAD to weigh in on how "irresponsible" the victim was for being alone in the park after 10:00. I responded politely at first, saying that kind of language was victim-blaming, and none of us know why that woman was there at that time (she could've been abandoned by her boyfriend, she could've lost her life-saving medication at the park, etc. etc.). He got defensive and responded with this long-ish, sarcastic diatribe, ending with "Oh please. Be serious." I saw red. My response went along the lines of "No, YOU be serious. And save your lecturing about a terrible possibility which will almost certainly never happen to YOU but which every woman fears and worries about. I assure you, every woman here knows what she needs to do to avoid rape, we don't need YOU to tell us. Again, YOU don't know why that woman was there. The time to talk about 'responsibility' and prevention is beforehand, to your kids, not right after a horrible rape. And better yet, talk to other men ABOUT rape. What are YOU doing to make the neighborhood safer?" He replied "I refuse to argue with you" and I got even more sarcastic--I wrote "*pat, pat* You just keep on, keeping on. Although I find it impossible to believe this is the first time you've received this reaction when lecturing a bunch of women about responsibility in the aftermath of a rape."

WTF is it about some men who feel the need to lecture us about our responsibility for not getting raped? What the HELL could you possibly have to offer a discussion about rape? Are you a likely victim of rape? No. Are you a likely perpetrator of rape? No. So shut the hell up. WE KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO. Namely, not be born a woman. Because talking about irresponsibility just enrages me. The line keeps moving. In New York City, the line is apparently being outside by yourself in the park after dark. In Saudi Arabia the line is an unveiled face. In Egypt apparently none of these things matter--women suffer very high rates of harassment and rape, even thought they're mostly veiled. So the common factor is just BEING A WOMAN. So don't talk to me about "irresponsibility," don't lecture me, don't mansplain. If you want to express concern, that's different--that's sweet, that's not condescending, that's just being a friend, or a human being. But the lecturing--unless you're tackling the problem at its source (MEN WHO RAPE) you're just talking to hear yourself. When you use the word irresponsible, you are saying women are responsible for getting themselves raped. They're not. The rapists are responsible. Talk to THEM. And don't buy into that crap about how rapists are all beady-eyed strangers, Others--they're sons and brothers and people you know. The cop rapist, Kenneth Moreno, has a wife and children. His partner Franklin Mata, the guy who abetted him, has a mother. Look at the Our Guys case in Glen Ridge NJ, when a bunch of beloved athletes, the town's fair-haired darlings, raped a developmentally disabled girl who hero-worshipped them and then witness-tampered. And the father of one of these thugs defended his son's actions by saying any "red-blooded American boy" would've done the same. Rape is a product of human society, not some kind of aberration. Otherwise it wouldn't be so common.

And please don't mention men who get raped, either by other men or by women. The first is another phenomenon entirely--it has little in common with date rape or stranger rape, that is about male shaming and other issues. And women-on-men rape is so rare, it's off the charts, and again has nothing to do with the issues behind men-on-women rape. It happens from time to time, and its victims have my sympathy, but it doesn't belong in these discussions.

Okay, got sidetracked there. Back to Take Back the Park--Jason wants volunteers to escort people to and from the astronomy viewings. He needs two at every viewing--it's a bit of a time commitment, 7:30 or so to the end of the viewing, around 11:30, but I'd like to help out, so I said I would look over the dates and tell him which ones I could do. So now today I find a reporter has emailed me, wants to interview me about this. Jason gave him my contact information. So the guy is calling me tomorrow at work, and I'm going to be interviewed!