Take Back the Park
Jun. 22nd, 2011 06:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceebeegeeKind of cool thing is happening out of a terrible thing. As I posted a few days ago, a man raped a woman two weekends ago in Inwood Hill Park. Jason Kendall has twice-weekly astronomy viewings in the park, and the PTB were less than enthusiastic about after-dark activity in the park, and Jason was putting together a Take Back the Park event.
This actually led to a contretemps between me and someone on the FB list for Jason's Astronomy Viewings, some guy named John who just HAD to weigh in on how "irresponsible" the victim was for being alone in the park after 10:00. I responded politely at first, saying that kind of language was victim-blaming, and none of us know why that woman was there at that time (she could've been abandoned by her boyfriend, she could've lost her life-saving medication at the park, etc. etc.). He got defensive and responded with this long-ish, sarcastic diatribe, ending with "Oh please. Be serious." I saw red. My response went along the lines of "No, YOU be serious. And save your lecturing about a terrible possibility which will almost certainly never happen to YOU but which every woman fears and worries about. I assure you, every woman here knows what she needs to do to avoid rape, we don't need YOU to tell us. Again, YOU don't know why that woman was there. The time to talk about 'responsibility' and prevention is beforehand, to your kids, not right after a horrible rape. And better yet, talk to other men ABOUT rape. What are YOU doing to make the neighborhood safer?" He replied "I refuse to argue with you" and I got even more sarcastic--I wrote "*pat, pat* You just keep on, keeping on. Although I find it impossible to believe this is the first time you've received this reaction when lecturing a bunch of women about responsibility in the aftermath of a rape."
WTF is it about some men who feel the need to lecture us about our responsibility for not getting raped? What the HELL could you possibly have to offer a discussion about rape? Are you a likely victim of rape? No. Are you a likely perpetrator of rape? No. So shut the hell up. WE KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO. Namely, not be born a woman. Because talking about irresponsibility just enrages me. The line keeps moving. In New York City, the line is apparently being outside by yourself in the park after dark. In Saudi Arabia the line is an unveiled face. In Egypt apparently none of these things matter--women suffer very high rates of harassment and rape, even thought they're mostly veiled. So the common factor is just BEING A WOMAN. So don't talk to me about "irresponsibility," don't lecture me, don't mansplain. If you want to express concern, that's different--that's sweet, that's not condescending, that's just being a friend, or a human being. But the lecturing--unless you're tackling the problem at its source (MEN WHO RAPE) you're just talking to hear yourself. When you use the word irresponsible, you are saying women are responsible for getting themselves raped. They're not. The rapists are responsible. Talk to THEM. And don't buy into that crap about how rapists are all beady-eyed strangers, Others--they're sons and brothers and people you know. The cop rapist, Kenneth Moreno, has a wife and children. His partner Franklin Mata, the guy who abetted him, has a mother. Look at the Our Guys case in Glen Ridge NJ, when a bunch of beloved athletes, the town's fair-haired darlings, raped a developmentally disabled girl who hero-worshipped them and then witness-tampered. And the father of one of these thugs defended his son's actions by saying any "red-blooded American boy" would've done the same. Rape is a product of human society, not some kind of aberration. Otherwise it wouldn't be so common.
And please don't mention men who get raped, either by other men or by women. The first is another phenomenon entirely--it has little in common with date rape or stranger rape, that is about male shaming and other issues. And women-on-men rape is so rare, it's off the charts, and again has nothing to do with the issues behind men-on-women rape. It happens from time to time, and its victims have my sympathy, but it doesn't belong in these discussions.
Okay, got sidetracked there. Back to Take Back the Park--Jason wants volunteers to escort people to and from the astronomy viewings. He needs two at every viewing--it's a bit of a time commitment, 7:30 or so to the end of the viewing, around 11:30, but I'd like to help out, so I said I would look over the dates and tell him which ones I could do. So now today I find a reporter has emailed me, wants to interview me about this. Jason gave him my contact information. So the guy is calling me tomorrow at work, and I'm going to be interviewed!
This actually led to a contretemps between me and someone on the FB list for Jason's Astronomy Viewings, some guy named John who just HAD to weigh in on how "irresponsible" the victim was for being alone in the park after 10:00. I responded politely at first, saying that kind of language was victim-blaming, and none of us know why that woman was there at that time (she could've been abandoned by her boyfriend, she could've lost her life-saving medication at the park, etc. etc.). He got defensive and responded with this long-ish, sarcastic diatribe, ending with "Oh please. Be serious." I saw red. My response went along the lines of "No, YOU be serious. And save your lecturing about a terrible possibility which will almost certainly never happen to YOU but which every woman fears and worries about. I assure you, every woman here knows what she needs to do to avoid rape, we don't need YOU to tell us. Again, YOU don't know why that woman was there. The time to talk about 'responsibility' and prevention is beforehand, to your kids, not right after a horrible rape. And better yet, talk to other men ABOUT rape. What are YOU doing to make the neighborhood safer?" He replied "I refuse to argue with you" and I got even more sarcastic--I wrote "*pat, pat* You just keep on, keeping on. Although I find it impossible to believe this is the first time you've received this reaction when lecturing a bunch of women about responsibility in the aftermath of a rape."
WTF is it about some men who feel the need to lecture us about our responsibility for not getting raped? What the HELL could you possibly have to offer a discussion about rape? Are you a likely victim of rape? No. Are you a likely perpetrator of rape? No. So shut the hell up. WE KNOW WHAT WE NEED TO DO. Namely, not be born a woman. Because talking about irresponsibility just enrages me. The line keeps moving. In New York City, the line is apparently being outside by yourself in the park after dark. In Saudi Arabia the line is an unveiled face. In Egypt apparently none of these things matter--women suffer very high rates of harassment and rape, even thought they're mostly veiled. So the common factor is just BEING A WOMAN. So don't talk to me about "irresponsibility," don't lecture me, don't mansplain. If you want to express concern, that's different--that's sweet, that's not condescending, that's just being a friend, or a human being. But the lecturing--unless you're tackling the problem at its source (MEN WHO RAPE) you're just talking to hear yourself. When you use the word irresponsible, you are saying women are responsible for getting themselves raped. They're not. The rapists are responsible. Talk to THEM. And don't buy into that crap about how rapists are all beady-eyed strangers, Others--they're sons and brothers and people you know. The cop rapist, Kenneth Moreno, has a wife and children. His partner Franklin Mata, the guy who abetted him, has a mother. Look at the Our Guys case in Glen Ridge NJ, when a bunch of beloved athletes, the town's fair-haired darlings, raped a developmentally disabled girl who hero-worshipped them and then witness-tampered. And the father of one of these thugs defended his son's actions by saying any "red-blooded American boy" would've done the same. Rape is a product of human society, not some kind of aberration. Otherwise it wouldn't be so common.
And please don't mention men who get raped, either by other men or by women. The first is another phenomenon entirely--it has little in common with date rape or stranger rape, that is about male shaming and other issues. And women-on-men rape is so rare, it's off the charts, and again has nothing to do with the issues behind men-on-women rape. It happens from time to time, and its victims have my sympathy, but it doesn't belong in these discussions.
Okay, got sidetracked there. Back to Take Back the Park--Jason wants volunteers to escort people to and from the astronomy viewings. He needs two at every viewing--it's a bit of a time commitment, 7:30 or so to the end of the viewing, around 11:30, but I'd like to help out, so I said I would look over the dates and tell him which ones I could do. So now today I find a reporter has emailed me, wants to interview me about this. Jason gave him my contact information. So the guy is calling me tomorrow at work, and I'm going to be interviewed!
