Do I wake or sleep?

So I've been having fun lately coming up with all sorts of awesome and exciting exercises for my kids. I have been so, so upset about the murder of Cecil the Lion and it occurred to me that I actually have a kind of platform with my classes so I came up with a lesson involving various exotic animals from Africa. At first they were going to be in the zoo but I was talking with a fellow coach about the lesson and he is a very passionate and committed animal rights activist. I am not where he is and perhaps never will be as far as veganism and vegetarianism but I have great respect for his views. At any rate he took me out for vegan ice cream cones a couple of weeks ago and I was telling him about this lesson--originally it was going to be a zoo theme but he gently suggested that zoos were exploitative. I'm not sure I agree entirely with that--I think there's a conservation purpose with zoos--but at any rate he suggested sanctuaries as an alternative to zoos. At the same time my lessons are for very young kids--2, 3, 4-5 years old. Eventually I decided I could talk to the kids about the African veldt--they wouldn't get the whole idea but they would pick up the salient points--the grassy fields, all the different kinds of beautiful animals, it's far away and awesome, etc.. So that's what I did--a lesson where I separated the four nets and they would feed various foods to the animals--the lions were fed "lion cookies" (the small cones), the rhinoceri (and I taught them that word, along with veldt) "rhinoceros ice cream cones," the zebras "zebra scones" (the small black-and-white squishy balls) and the elephants "elephant cakes (the regular-size silver soccer balls). For our main drill, we have to add pressure of some kind--either through obstacles or by shortening the time somehow and I said "the poacher is trying to steal the elephant cakes from the elephants!" and I had the assistant stand in front of the nets so the kids would "feed" the elephants by kicking their balls between his legs. It's a small thing but maybe that will contribute to some good in the world.

But I also came up with a fun warm-up exercise for this. Warm-up exercises are supposed to be free and easy for the kids, just something to get them on their feet. So I told them: you are gazelles--gazelles are kind of like deer--and you are hanging out on the veldt. So you're walking around with your soccer ball and you're going to the watering hole and you're high-hooving each other with your big thick hooves but here's the deal– the lion is in the middle of you guys and the lion is sleeping because that's what lions do it sometime. (Which is true--lions sleep a ridiculous amount of the day. I actually did a lot of research for this lesson!) Lions and gazelles are not exactly friends (I left out that lions actually eat gazelles!) so when the lion starts to wake up and ROAR you have to be absolutely still. (I also went over with them how to stop the ball--put your foot on top.)   So then I, as the lion, pretended to sleep as my kids dribbled the ball around me...and then I'd stir and say "oh, the lion is waking up now" and then I'd ROAR. And then I'd walk around as my kids would freeze, with the most hilarious expressions--I'd get right up in their face and say "man, I can't see any gazelles here today. Guess I'll go back to sleep." The kids LOVED it. I actually had kids this week requesting to play that again. 3-4 year olds LOVE to be scared. So much fun!

 So as I said a lot has been going on. Another really exciting thing, perhaps the most exciting thing besides our saving Sweet Briar, has been that I have been promoted to Head Coach! I didn't expect this until the fall and winter possibly next spring. This past spring they had scheduled me for quite a lot of classes--it was actually a very difficult schedule to maintain. But I suppose I was doing so and I know that I was getting very good feedback. They had observed several of my classes and gave me excellent reviews based on that. And then I taught a couple of classes at a Catholic school downtown and the class coordinator in the administration really liked me. She sent an email about me to our office, praising me and they told me that that particular school had been an on-again, off-again customer but that they'd specifically said they wanted to do classes in the fall and that they "can only hope they get Coach Clara again." Obviously this made me feel fantastic! So I think the fact that I actually created business for them is part of why I got the promotion. 

It's also interesting to note that my promotion has leapfrogged over that of some other coaches. Like any company I suppose, there are some excellent coaches here and then there are some hacks. There was a coach I worked with last summer who was a nice enough guy but was very--how can I put this?--inauthentic when dealing with the kids. He just seemed very fake in his enthusiasm and as a result the kids really didn't listen to him. I actually had to teach a class with him this spring--one of the ones at the aforementioned Catholic school. The kids at that school are great kids but they're very high-energy and you definitely needed to as, I put it, blow the whistle with them. And he didn't do it--he would ineffectively cajole them and explain to them and they just ignored him. Until finally I pulled out my whistle, blew the heck out of it, and informed the kids they WOULD sit down, be quiet and listen to the coach. (Understand for this class he was the head coach, the one officially in charge, and I was the assistant.)  Then when the class was over he kind of wandered off after saying goodbye and never signed out the kids which is a big no-no. I ended up running after the kids and their parents to sign them out officially, and then going up to the office and apologizing. I said to the coordinator "I don't know what happened here--it is officially his class and he was the one responsible but I apologize. And I will personally make sure for the rest of the classes that I have the kids signed out properly." I think it was the this that that got the corner later on my side and why she eventually sent the email to the office about me. Like, you just can't DO that, you can't just leave these kids, you have to make sure that they end up where they're supposed to be! As I said some of these coaches are hacks. I know that one of the other coaches who also got promoted to head coach as well--I'm not sure if they've ever observed his classes, they must have, but I've worked with him. He's a nice enough guy but he never plans his classes, he just shows up and improvises. And maybe this wouldn't be so bad (some coaches are excellent improvisors) except he tends to throw the ball at YOU, as it were. Like, I'm not going to help you plan your class, that's your job, that's why you're listed as the head coach for this class. Every class of ever worked with him, he flails around and asks if I can think of anything--well again, that's your job. It's very frustrating. I put a lot of thought into my classes, the exercises and their ages, etc. and it's annoying when I have to cover for someone who can't be bothered to put in the preparation.

Anyway so it's all been very exciting. Also exciting is that--and I may have mentioned this already--but they have opened up offices internationally. They just opened their first office in London a few months ago. They have all-company meetings before every new season, so roughly 4 times a year. And at the most recent meeting I introduced myself to the London contact and talked to him about possibly going over there to help. Especially because I know that they want to build the girl market internationally and that is something at which I could be very good.

 Having some bad knee problems.  Walking everywhere because of the job and my knees are in a ton of pain so I went to the orthopedist Wednesday.  OH MY LORD HE IS HOT. And he remembers me from my knee injury from three years ago. I don't remember he was that hot last time, perhaps I was in too much pain then to appreciate him properly ;) He put me on a six-day regimen of medication and ice and, well, we will see. It hasn't made a huge difference so far but we will see. If that doesn't work we are looking at shots of cortisone or some other medication, which is still better than surgery.

Which I will have to have on my horrible feet. The bunions just keep getting worse and worse and the left one absolutely must get surgery. I'm hoping to keep it conservative so I don't have to spend too much time in bed, and I think if I have it around Christmas or Thanksgiving I won't miss much work. I will worry about the other foot later.

They have been giving me TONS of classes which is great--the money is terrific--but I am exhausted all the time. I am literally working 7 days a week. But at least it's interesting work--I do love my classes when they go well. But it's taking atoll on my body--on the one hand, I'm losing a metric shit-ton of weight which makes me VERY HAPPY. Losing a lot of weight for me is a relative term. I'm a small person with a small frame--if I gain or lose more than 4 pounds it's very noticeable. And for the past few years, ever since The Situation (I was quite skinny during that mess), the weight has started to creep up a little bit every year. But right now I fit into all my old stuff, yay! So that's one good thing about the work schedule I'm on. But on the other hand, I'm worried I'm deteriorating a bit. I know I'm not as fast on the soccer field as I was last year. Maybe I should join a league for older people :/

In other news the interim President and Board of Directors at my beloved alma mater, Sweet Briar College, have attempted a coup and are trying to sell the school out from under us. Yes, this is really A Thing. They are trying to close the school and sell off the land. The whole thing is absolutely horrifying--the "President" did a lot of whining about how Sweet Briar just couldn't survive, it's "a co ed world now" and then stuff started coming out about how he was FIRED at his last stint as college President--Trinity College in CT actually kicked him out, he was so hated there. During his tenure there the college's ranking dropped like 100 places in the nationals rankings of liberals colleges.  And he and the SBC Board absolute, point blank REFUSE to show us any documentation or discuss anything with us--they (mostly men, of course) just keep insisting over and over Sweet Briar has to close and why are we being so emotional and hysterical? (Why, we're all on our collective pink and green periods of course, you misogynistic fat FUCK.) The alumnae have banded together and formed an organization called Saving Sweet Briar (501(c)3 status pending) to stop this outrage and we're enmeshed in a lot of legal proceedings. So far we've gotten two injunctions--they can't use any monies to sell which were not raised specifically for that purpose. (One of the more outrageous aspects of this is that they were calling for donations UP UNTIL THE DAY BEFORE THE ANNOUNCEMENT, even though they're already decided to close. Of course they didn't tell anyone. Nope, we all just got calls and letters asking us to donate to Sweet Briar--asking us to fund their fucking golden parachutes. Jim Jones (interim President) and Paul Rice (Board member who is pushing for this) = LYING LIARS AND THIEVES. Jones and Rice are buddy buddy with Mark Herring, the Virginia AG (they all went to UVA together) and we suspect there's some kind of crony deal to carve up our beloved school.  The other injunction is a six-month injunction prohibiting them from touching any assets (they can't sell anything). This has hamstrung them but they are lying liars and thieves and they've already been caught shredding documents--they may just go on trashing the school anyway. They're having an all-class reunion this month but I won't go--as I told Mom, if I ran across Jim Jones I would have a difficult time not spitting right in his lying face. 

Ao anyway, that's been on my mind quite a bit for the past two months. 

 An hilarious thing happened a few weeks ago.  I was in the middle of a class that I lead.  Part of the routine is that,, when we're finished with an exercise or warmup or whatever, we ask the kids to help us "clean up, clean up" (I had to ask Lori to teach me that song, I'd never heard it before I started with Soccer Company).  So for this particular exercise we'd used various types of equipment--little soccer balls (we use fist-sized soccer balls to teach control and for the little ones), big soccer balls, small cones, big cones. etc.).  So I tell the kids "bring all the small cones and the big cones to Coach Chris, and bring me all the big soccer balls."  So I pick up a red mesh bag to collect the soccer balls and then I start walking around calling out for them.  You know, like you do--with kids you have to remind kids what you're asking of them, make a game of it.  So there I am, wandering around a gym filled with three- to five-year olds loudly singsonging "I want big balls..."  I must have said this at least 4-5 times times before I heard what was coming out of my mouth and immediately had to stifle giggles.  I still laugh every time I think about it.

Damn, I wish L***** would stop blocking this site. That's where I like to update--no access means fewer pearls I share about my fascinating life ;) I'M JUST SAYING

So I'm heading a class on Wednesdays--last fall I was the assistant for this class, now I'm heading it. It's a class with a lot of challenges. 1) The space is small and weirdly-shaped. 2) The age is disparity is huge--we have several 3 year olds, a few 4 year olds and several 5 year olds, including one big boy who is nearly 6.  Big Boy is named Vicente and we had him last fall--he likes to KICK, which is a problem when you have several 3 year olds toddling around, barely able to connect their foot to the ball with any consistency.  So I've been trying to figure out appropriate, fun lessons that are more than just daycare, that actually teach soccer, but that won't either: knock down the babies or: bore the older ones.  To make it more challenging, two of the girls just DO NOT WANT to engage.  One is 3 and she basically just doesn't want to do it.  (And it looks as though she's not coming back--she's a sweet kid but this is for the best.)  The other is 5 and she's more frustrating.  Because she doesn't just not want to engage.  What she really wants is for us to make a fuss over her.  I've told her if she doesn't want to play, she can watch from the sidelines, but she doesn't just withdraw--she crawls all over the floor, she sticks her legs out, she does everything she can to pull the attention onto her and away from either the lesson or the game.  And if I had just one more coach, we could indulge her drama queen antics.  But we don't--there are only two of us leading this class.  I've tried talking to her, trying to convince her, trying to sell her on the game but she just doesn't want to be there.  Two weeks ago the class literally STOPPED--we'd started the Big Game and she kept wandering through it, dragging on our hands.  Wouldn't sit down, wouldn't play.  Very, very frustrating.  But last week's class and today's actually went very well.  I talked to my assistant and put him in charge of her--I said we're not going to fuss over her too much as long as she's out of the way.  She didn't like that too much, as we weren't fawning over her, but the other kids in the class had a good time and they learned about (last week) Offense v. Defense and (this week) Passing.

So I had a long talk with the after school coordinator today saying I didn't think little girl should be in the class as it wasn't fair to the rest of the kids.  She agreed.  Who knows what will happen but the last two classes really have gone well, and I feel good about them. 

Now, for recent news...

A month ago, pretty much everyone who reads this blog knows what happened:  the apartment where D***** lived was completely devastated by fire.  We all found out via FB, and D***** posted that it had started in A*****'s room.  For those who aren;t aware, I know A*****.  A***** was the director of the Scottish Play in 2010/11--he asked me to be on his team "in any capacity you like."  I said sure, I'd like to be dramaturg.  He then asked if I would also be assistant director.  And he proceeded to fuck up the entire production to the point where he got FIRED.  And then begged me not to accept the job if it was offered to me.  Another A story--he wanted to read for the Nurse when Jason and I were casting Romeo and Juliet.  I allowed him to read but there was no way in holy hell I was going to take away that great role from a woman and give it to a man.  (He actually wasn't bad but the concept itself is so effing campy and cringe-inducing.)  After the audition he said he wanted to work on the production anyway, and asked to design costumes.  Thereafter, for about a week, followed a shitton of emails from him. Like, 405 emails a day about costumes.  I kept saying "please keep it simple, this is outdoor drama in the park."  And then I got this stupid dramatic email from him saying he had to drop out, he couldn't do costumes, he was going to have to move back to Baltimore.  Then the kicker--unless I could lend him [I can't remember the exact figure but it was well over $1000--I think it was over $2000, in fact] so he could avoid eviction.  I was so disgusted.  I mean, really, absolutely disgusted.  How completely classless, to put me on the spot like that.  I wasn't a good friend, I wasn't family, I hardly knew him.  GROSS.

So I have no great opinion of A*****.  Everything seems to overwhelm him, he's always so aggrieved and beset and there's always some basic living skill he can't seem to accomplish.  Working on Macbeth was annoying as hell--he tried to pick my brain for ideas, "how would you direct this scene?  This bit?""  Fucking do your own work, A*****!  YOU'RE the director, come up with your own ideas!  Stop trying to mine mine, I might get the chance to direct it myself someday.  As it was he lifted the entire concept of his show from the BAM production.  Classy.

So when D***** said the fire had started in A's room, my hackles rose.  Then someone started a Go Fund Me for A, because he'd incurred injuries fighting the fire--and of course, of course, OF FUCKING COURSE he did not have insurance, even though he was required by law.  (Apparently he's lost his job--yes, that does suck but there are affordable options now.  The ACA is specifically addressing that.  There are solutions--even if they're expensive, it's a hell of a lot more expensive to go to the hospital without insurance.)  And the language on the Go Fund Me was weird--it vaguely blamed "a faulty space heater."  Then later that day (or the next day), similar Go Fund Mes were set up for D and the third roommate, K**.  D's took off right away, and even surpassed A's.  By the end of Thursday (the day after the fire) both were up to nearly $7,000 and people were planning a joint fundraiser for the three of them.

Thursday night I met D at Marie's.  After quite a few drinks I pulled him into the staircase and spoke plainly to him.  I said first--DO NOT commingle your funds with his.  Maintain your fund separately, get your own account, because if this fundraiser happens, people are going to be giving money to all three of you and I think that's a bad idea.  Second, everyone is talking as though you are all going to move in together--PLEASE tell me you are not going to live with him again.  (Duncan shook his head violently at that point.)  I said I'd been thinking about this--the fire started in his room, right?  A "faulty space heater"?  Unless the thing spontaneously burst into flames and immediately incinerated his room, he is to blame.  Space heaters are notoriously top heavy and dangerous, which is why many leases prohibit them.  But it's not like they're an open flame--if they're knocked over you have at least 30 seconds to pick them up.  So somehow he wasn't paying attention to the heater.  Either he was out of the room (D said he was naked when the EMTs came--the mind reels but he may have been in the shower) or he was incapacitated.  And somehow it was knocked over and started a horrific fire that destroyed most of their belongings, rendered them homeless and killed their cat.

Yep, that's right. He fucking murdered an animal.  Why?  Because he's an epic fuckup.  And yet in all this time he hasn't give out his story of what happened, hasn't taken responsibility, hasn't said ANYTHING to the roommates whose home he destroyed.  (I know he hasn't said anything to D & K because I asked D.)

And he's had all this money given to him, money that very generous and thoughtful people have given him, and I promise you he will fuck that up.  He will forget that he owes all the huge medical bills and will blow the money on stupid stuff.  And then he'll freak out about that, and then even more when the landlord sues him, as he will almost certainly do when he finds out A has all this money.  So he'll be sued by the hospital, sued by the landlord and probably declare bankruptcy in a year or two.

And even worse--K, the third roommate, received overall (after one month) some $3800.  Do you know how much A got in his Go Fund Me?  The last time I checked nearly $18,000.  Eighteen fucking thousand dollars for the fuck up who was stupid enough to leave a space heater unattended and who killed a cat and destroyed his roommates' lives.  If he had an ounce, one goddam ounce, of human decency he would give some of that money to Kim.  I just feel sick about the whole thing.

For the record I gave money to both K and D (equal amounts actually) but nothing for A.

Sorry I haven't updated in so long--my work network decided to block blogging sites so I can update there now, which is where I usually had the leisure. SIGH.

Anyway, so today after classes I had picked up a Meetup soccer game with a group with whom I've played before. But not in a while--I think the last time I played with them was sometime last spring. Between classes and my league team, just haven't had the time (and frankly, until mid-November or so, didn't really have the discretionary income. But now things are much better financially).

So the game was down in the Bowery at one of the worst fields in the city, cement covered with a thin coating of turk with big patches in place. But whatever, it was great just playing. However it had started to snow about an hour before the game, and the snow, alternating with freezing rain, continued throughout the whole game. So--challenging, cold, but fun. We ended up playing full field and I acquitted myself fairly decently. No goals (I was really inhibited under those conditions--I'm terrified of getting hurt again) so my touches weren't that great but neither were anyone else's. I did have several solid, pretty assists so I was happy--one of my assists had like five guys, including several on the other team, complimenting me. I'll take it :)

Afterward we all went to a nearby bar to quaff beers. I had an awesome time shooting the breeze with a bunch of guys, about "where are you from" and "you're a SOCCER COACH, that's awesome!" and Peruvian cuisine and whatnot. One of the guys even asked me if I wanted to go dancing with him (I'd been talking about my club days in DC--oh the memories!--and how much I loved dancing) and another at one point said to the group about me "she's beautiful, she's intelligent, she's got good soccer skills..." and then another guy said something to him in Spanish which made the guys smile. Anyw, lots of fun. Now here's where it got--annoying. There's a girl who's attached to this group--she's listed in the meetup as "assistant organizer" and I've seen her at pretty much all the games. I'm not sure how she got attached because she's not a good soccer player, but you know, sometimes you just like hanging out with a group. That's fine. What's weird is how...hostile she always seems to be toward me and, as far as I can recall, other women who've shown up for these games. (There aren't many, I'm one of the few. In fact today there were only two of us amongst 18 guys.) She's always been cold, unfriendly and as I realized this, I just gave her a wide berth. Today we get to the bar and she's already there--she left halfway through the game because of the weather. We sit down and there's a menu in front of her. After a few minutes I ask her if she's still looking at the menu (because I'm hungry and would like to look it over). Remember, she's already been there at least 20 minutes, with a menu. She says to me curtly "yes. I am." Okay, whatever--you could've been friendlier about that but I'm not going to go out of my way to take offense.

But a little while later the guys and I are talking about religion--most of them (being South American) are Roman Catholic and we start discussing the difference between Roman Catholicism and Episcopalianism. I start saying "well, the main difference is political--we do not follow the Pope, we're part of a different power structure and have our own head.. But the structure of the mass is essentially the same and we have very similar styles..." She cuts me off "they're not similar, we don't talk about the Virgin Mary at all."

Okay, an academic aside here. Not having the Hail Mary as part of your Mass vs. "not talking about the Virgin Mary" are two different things. For one thing, I don't think the Catholics say Hail Marys during the Mass, I think that's a private--albeit very common--prayer, said as a penance after confession. Second, we DO "talk about Mary" in other ways. She shows up frequently in the Gospels, and the Magnificat--Mary's response to the Annunciation ("My soul doth magnify the Lord, and my spirit hath rejoiced in God my Savior....")--has been set to music many, many times in the Anglican tradition. I could sing a whole setting to you right now that I learned as a child, I remember it so well. For that matter, the Hail Mary has also been set to music many times in the Anglican tradition, the Bach/Gounod setting being one of the most well-known. Mary is certainly not ignored in the Episcopal church, although she is given more prominence within the Catholic church.

Anyway. I responded "what? Yes, we do--some parishes do at any rate." She took umbrage at this and started "I'm a lifelong confirmed Episcopalian--" Me: "As am I." "And I'm telling you we don't talk about the Virgin Mary!" I paused and said carefully "Well, it sounds like your parish does not. But Episcopal styles of worship vary greatly across the US--some are low church and some are high church, it's not as uniform as Roman Catholic services are. Very high church parishes often DO talk about Mary more because those types of parishes prefer the Catholic style even if they don't want to be part of the Catholic structure--" She got REALLY annoyed at this and kept trying to impress me with her "lifelong Episcopal" street cred. I got so annoyed, I was tempted to say "Yes, and my step-grandfather was an Episcopal priest who founded St. Andrew's school in Boca Raton. And my cousin was the Dean of Grace Cathedral in San Francisco, who also baptized me--AT the Cathedral. You want pictures?" Luckily I resisted that urge because argument by authority is weak. You're not right because you have a degree in a subject or because of your personal background--you're right because your argument makes sense or your facts are correct.

It just...really pissed me off, I have to say. It was so pointlessly antagonistic. First, her jumping in to correct me like that, then to try to shut me up by citing her "lifelong" status. Stow it, girl. You have no idea who you're talking to, and you're inarticulate. Because I thought about it and a big part of the problem (besides her rudeness) was her wording--"we don't talk about the Virgin Mary at all." She should've said "we tend not to have the Marian emphasis that Roman Catholic churches do, although that varies by parish and region." THAT would've been nuanced, would've opened up the conversation in a new direction, would've been respectful.

So, because I was SO annoyed, I started explaining to the rest of the table what I just said above in my little academic aside. I talked about the Magnificat, about low church versus high church, about the similarities between RC masses and Episcopal masses [certain prayers MUST be said or sung, in a certain order--the Kyrie, Gloria Patri, the Agnus Dei, the Sanctus/Benedictus, etc.--if you've ever seen Agnes of God, they sprinkle the prayers throughout the script in the proper order]--plus you have the sacrament of Communion (with the elevation of the host), the lighting of the candles--in order for it to be a proper mass, both churches have these structural similarities. THEN I started talking about the difference between transubstantiation (Catholics believe during the elevation of the host an actual, literal miracle happens--the bread is turned into the flesh of Christ) whereas Episcopalians believe something happens, Christ's presence is in the Host, we're just not sure exactly how.

THEN I talked about St. Mary's in Times Square, the church I used to attend, which is ridiculously high church. I was explaining how during the Adoration of the Cross you actually kiss it, which is so Catholic I felt uncomfortable. I mean, I'm pretty high church but the next step after that is kissing the Pope's ring! I said how they frequently featured Marian tradition within their services.

So basically I opened up the floodgates and vomited all this onto the table and directed it all to the guys with a sweet Southern smile on my face. And mission accomplished because it SHUT HER THE FUCK UP. There was nothing she could say to that, I too obviously knew my stuff. And I hope she felt stupid and I don't feel bad. If she hadn't been so obnoxious and rude I probably would've made it more of a conversation as opposed to an impromptu lecture but...ugh, I was just so annoyed!

And what it really comes down to is territoriality and...well, I'm going to come right out and say it, only because at my age I've seen this enough times that modesty be damned. She's jealous. She's not a good soccer player, she's not attractive and a lot of these guys were being friendly to me. She could've been cool--most of these soccer groups are super cool--but no, she had to try to make me feel unwelcome, like I was intruding. And honey, that will backfire. I know exactly how to treat women like you. I become even nicer, smile even more, ignore your rudeness and chat the guys up even more. (THEY were friendly as hell to me--THEY were nice.) Women like that absolutely HATE it when you refuse to play on their terms, because it makes them look petty. Kill 'em with kindness, that's the Southern way. Honey, you've just triggered the heat-seeking missiles ;)

It's been awhile since I've written, mainly because I've been absolutely absorbed in my classes and in a couple of projects coming up. Classes were a little tough at first--I've had very little training for how to structure a class and they evaluated me almost immediately (on my third class--guys, can you let me get used to things first?) and that was a little frustrating. But now I think the classes I teach are going very well. I'm still nervous about them--I structure the HELL out of my classes--but I am seeing genuine improvement and actually enjoying myself as well. Yesterday I structured a lesson wherein I taught the first (5-7 yo) and second (7-9 yo) classes the dragback (a defensive maneuver in soccer). I really put a lot of thought into how to reinforce teaching them and even made up my own drill. (They gave us a manual but it's less helpful than I thought it would be. For one thing a lot of the drills are hard to understand on the page, and also I think some of them are a little too advanced for my first class.) Also there is a kid in that first class who was a bit of a pain--kind of a showoff and also a complainer. I finally figured out how to "tame" him--I'd use him as my demonstrator, which appeals to his pride in his abilities, and I also "discussed" with him whether he thought the "give and go" (basic passing play) was too advanced for the rest of the class. Now he loves class, because he's like my little assistant.) Then when we had The Big Game I encouraged the kids to use the skills they just learned by valuating them--I said anyone who successfully executed a dragback or a give and go in the game would earn an extra point. Only a few kids did the give and go but even that was more than I expected--getting the kids to play smart, to strategize and not just run after the ball, is a huge accomplishment. (For comparison *I* have a hard time playing smart!) And lots of them did the dragback in the game! It's really very exciting to see kids learning and to know that you made that happen.

So a few days ago Ryan asked me if I wanted a comp to the opening of a musical he's in--Liberty, down at Theater 80 in the East Village. Liberty is actually a heavily reworked version of a musical called Lady of Copper I did back in '01-'02. When Ryan texted me I thought long and hard about it, because my experience with this show was not one of unmitigated joy. I auditioned in fall of '01 and I could tell at the auditions they were singing me for Emma Lazarus, the ingénue. They even joked about how unsuited I was for Moskovitz (the character role, a comic shtetl-type) so when they offered me Moskovitz I was surprised but took it. We did a couple of performances up in Washington Heights that were filmed, and apparently this producer dude, whose parents were VERY well-connected (they founded one of the very well-known actors studios in the city) saw it and wanted to take over and take this thing to Broad-way! So they allowed it and this guy just ran roughshod over the show and me in particular. They immediately switched me to playing Emma, which was fine by me, and then booked us at the Cherry Lane. (Again, fine by me.) But this guy was a TERRIBLE director--I mean, truly a joke. Absolutely terrible direction, and he insulted us, and really seemed to have a problem with the questions I would ask him to try to understand what he wanted me to do. (At one point I remember asking him how do I justify that Emma walks up to a complete stranger and initiates a conversation when it's been established how shy she is? And he got upset and was like well YOU wouldn't do that, but SHE would. Like he didn't understand at ALL what I was saying.) Everyone detested him. It got so bad the rest of the cast started sticking up for me, both privately and to his face. It was fun working at the Cherry Lane though.

Then they had me doing a bunch of the school tours which were ROUGH. The audiences were fine but I had to get up BEFORE the crack of dawn to get into Brooklyn by 6 am, load in, and then drive to wherever we were performing. I bonded quite a bit with my Lady Liberty who was awesome and funny--she was a former Miss Kentucky and Miss America contestant so she had the dish. We had similar senses of humor :) At one point the people who'd written and composed the show sat us down and told us they were hoping to take the show to Broad-way but they couldn't promise us anything casting-wise but we would get our Equity cards out of it. Needless to say none of this happened. But imagine my frustration years later when I discovered they'd ended up doing EQUITY TYA TOURS UP AND DOWN THE EAST FUCKING COAST. Where was *I* when you were doing this? Why didn't you call me so I could at least get a goddamn Equity card to make up for the shit I suffered under Avram and the incredibly hard work I did in the local school tours?? I was, and remain, genuinely pissed off about that.

So I wasn't sure if I wanted to go but in the end I said yes. And I'm really glad I did. The brother and sister writer-lyricist-composer team, Dana and Jon, saw me and actively sought me out and were extremely gracious toward me. Dana was reminiscing about my audition and just raving about my voice. "That gorgeous soprano voice! I knew right away she was our Emma." (It got a little awkward when I reminded her they'd originally cast me as Moskovitz :) She did not remember!) And Jon was VERY nice to me (I always thought he had a tiny crush on me, not enough to act on but he always seemed to respond to what I was saying or doing. Just a hunch :)

They've retooled the show into something entirely different and...I'm not sure it works, exactly. It's definitely less of a children's show but it's not quite a nuanced enough show to engage adults. I think it wears its heart on its sleeve--nothing wrong with that but it still has a junior-ish feel to it. And I think recasting Liberty as a young girl, instead of a woman, emasculates the give and take even more. Now the villain, Commissioner Walker, literally towers over this girl and looks like even more of a bully--there's no subtlety to his portrayal. It's an interesting idea but I don't think it quite works.

So Saturday was a full day. I had two classes in the morning in Morningside Park and then wandered through a nearby farmer's market. The first class was chock full of cuteness--5 girls and 1 boy, and the girls got very territorial about who was going to sit in Coach Clara's lap and who was going to sit next to her. They started side-eyeing each other like I KNOW you don't think you're going to sit there when I JUST left her lap. SO CUTE.

In the afternoon I crossed the bridge to Randall's Island and FINALLY got a chance to ride again! The lesson, which was in the ring, went FANTASTICALLY. They gave me a quirky little mare named Rosie who was docile enough on walk and trot but took some convincing to bump up to canter. The instructor, a Barnard student named Christina, was terrific, giving me a lot of specific instruction on how to get her to canter and finally we did it 4-5 times, yes I canteredcanteredcantered. SO AWESOME. Christina told me the first time she'd ridden Rosie she had not been able to get her to canter so that made me feel even better.

After I dismounted Anna told me that DB had said if I wanted, I could ride another horse (Magic, I've ridden him before) out of the ring, in the small patch of grass and trees near the gate. Naturally I said yes! So Magic and I had a nice little 20 minutes or so which was a lovely end to the afternoon. Afterward DB and I talked--he said if I liked I could take Magic out into the big pasture next time and work him there (much more room). And said that any time I liked I could come over and work the horses for free. FOR FREE AAAAAAUAGH Riding is so expensive, the phrase "for free" is never heard. And the honor of being asked to work the horses! It really is an honor and I am so excited.

Me on Magic

I was going to give a long account of the past week or so, which was very good, but like pretty much everyone else I'm stunned by the loss of Robin Williams, and it's what I've been thinking about all day.

I can remember his career going all the way back to Mork and Mindy--I was in 6th grade when that came out and it was a big hit. I remember being so aware of that show I wrote a short story and named a character Morkimonia (who was otherwise not at all like Mork--not an alien, for example) and got twitted by my teacher for unoriginality. (I wrote a makeup story about a girl who couldn't fall asleep one night because it was too hot so she held her breath to make herself pass out.) I remember those rainbow suspenders everyone wore, that was from M&M. (God, did we love rainbow-anything in the late '70s/early '80s.)

And Dead Poet's Society! To this day that movie gets me. That gorgeous cinematography, the liberal quoting of so many of my favorite poets. That magnificent ending, when Neil struggles to do what is right and finally surges to his feet and onto the desk, knowing it will mean his expulsion. And the other boys joining him (including the one who'd written the doggerel "the cat sat on the mat" earlier) as that brave Scottish music swells louder and louder, drowning out the obnoxious teacher as he impotently tries to get them off the desks. And that last perfect shot from Keating's POV, looking up at these young men, now grown. I'm struggling not to cry right now. I just love that movie. I love its message, its themes and actors, its lushness and its beauty and its heartbreak.

It's interesting to note how many times in his work Williams confronts or deals with suicide. Neil in DPS kills himself; What Dreams May Come also dealt with suicide and the Oscar-nominated songwriter for Good Will Hunting, Elliott Smith (he wrote "Miss Misery") also killed himself.

Good Will Hunting
Hook
the Birdcage
Aladdin--oh, so upsetting. My favorite movie of the Disney Renaissance, and he was a huge reason why.

And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

These are what we stay alive for.

Make your lives extraordinary.

Thank you, Genie. thank you.

Also, have been working like CRAZY the past two weeks--all my regular classes plus a bunch of the premier clinics on Randall's Island. The money is terrific--my paycheck next month (we get paid mid-month) is going to be monster but the pace is a little crazy. I get up before 7, walk over to the office on the Upper West Side to help load the bus and corral rugrats, ride with everybody over to Randall's Island, coach the little ones (5-6-7 yo) for 6 hours including a lunch break and a snack break), ride back and hurry home as quickly as possible because I have to clean up and change for my office job. Still though. MONEY.

But I'm actually adjusting to the pace rather well. My feet don't hurt so much at night and I've been sleeping almost enough. (ALMOST. Last night I fell asleep unexpectedly before 10:00 and then woke up at 3 am.) And I think I'm doing a decent job with the little ones. When I first started with the clinics I was assisting one of the other coaches but last week they just handed the little ones over to me. I was flailing a bit at first but started coming up with drills and exercises and fun games that also taught skills. The website for the coaches lists articles that teach coaching skills but when I checked them out, the links were expired so I mentioned it to the head of the premiere division. He said they were having a coaches' camp in late August and he'd make sure I'd get invited to that. I also asked them for a premiere tee-shirt so I didn't have to wear the regular one--I wanted this for several reasons. 1) I already stand out--I'm the smallest coach and the only female, and I don't want to wear what the kids might think of as the uniform for the "baby" classes. 2) The regular shirt is REALLY getting worn a lot, I've had to hand wash it several times already! Anyway, got my premiere tee-shirt and it's too big but still--I don't stand out, yay! I can shrink it anyway :)

Also when I was speaking to the head coach, I saw him typing up some kind of list of names of all the coaches in the premiere division and their responsibilities and I saw my name. Yay, I've proven myself! I really do love this job (exhausted as I frequently am!).