Do I wake or sleep?

So maybe I spoke a little too soon about adjusting to the constant work--between the two jobs (soccer and L***** (office job)) I have been working literally every day for weeks now (not 8 hours a day necessarily--weekends are maybe 3-4 hours a day) and it hit me this week. I started sounding hoarse Monday day--things deteriorated rapidly that night and I sent an email to soccer people saying tomorrow might not happen but I would show up anyway* and we could decide what to do. I woke up Tuesday completely unable to talk and walked over fully expecting to have to come right home. But on the way some remnants of my voice came back and I croaked my way through a conversation with the English dude who runs the program and they REALLY needed me. I said I could help out but someone else would have to run the kids' classes and I could silently assist. So this went on all week and I'm still sick, though not as bad as Monday/Tuesday.

But I am enjoying the classes more and more--for one thing the kids are really warming up to me. No greater feeling for a coach than when a parent says "are you Coach Clara? Anna can't stop talking about you at home." AWWWWWW. (Anna is my personal challenge, she has an amazing foot but doesn't really have a game face, just kind of spaces out in the scrimmages. But one on one she's great. I want to teach her aggressiveness.) I love all my precious lambkins. And when the super shy kid who sits out most of the classes finally decides he likes you and follows you around. There's another kid too who has his good side and his bad side--he is a bit of an antagonist (not quite a bully but he can't seem to stop singling out one of the other kids for attention). But he is also super helpful setting up the goals and picking up at the end of the day. He pranked me the other day, stuck a FIFA World Cup player sticker on my back. So I vowed to tickle him as punishment and now that's our "thing" and he giggles like crazy when I chase him.

I am good with kids. I may have a learning curve for the nuts and bolts of coaching, but at least I've got the kids down.

*I have this weird need to prove how sick I really am if I ever have to call in sick. I rarely do anyway, I have many faults but I do have a strong work ethic. But it's also--this is going to sound weird but I have this worry they won't believe me, they'll assume I'm faking it. Sorry to say, this goes back to my dad and stepmom who were great in many ways but did a number on us that way. They were always trying to test us and trick us in weird ways and the assumption was that we were always lying. I remember when I was 7, someone had broken or stolen something (can't remember what the misdeed was) and none of us owned up. (Realistically it was probably the middle brother who was ALWAYS the one who pulled crap like that.) My dad called the three of us (my youngest brother was an infant at this time) up to the bedroom on the second floor and pointed to the window and told us we had to jump out the window, and whichever of us broke our leg, that was the one who was lying. I was horrified--I remember protesting we're ALL going to break our legs, what does THAT prove?! (Even as a kid I was logical.) This terrified me--are you kidding, I'm going to have a broken leg AND be blamed for something I didn't do!!

The worst "we assume you're lying" incident was later on in 7th grade. Some guy I didn't know in my grade called me up and wanted to talk to me and I'd told him I had a sort-of boyfriend. For some reason he looked up the phone of that SOBF in the phone book, called the house, SOBF's mother called and I guess he used a lot of foul language on her and then named me. SOBF's mom called my parents who confronted me. I had no idea what they were talking about and said so. To this day I remember my stepmother saying "why should we believe you?" To this day.

I should've said "because I'm not a liar and you should know that. Because I would never misbehave like that. I don't steal, I don't bully, I don't damage the neighbors' property--I don't do really bad things. In fact whenever I have messed up in a major way, I would go to them and tell them myself. Acting in such a sly, creepy way would be completely out of character for me. And you should know that."

Ryan came over yesterday and we did brunch al fresco. Mmmm, mimosa-hybrids (orange/mango/peach juice) and omelets with onions and avocados and provolone cheese YUM.






Afterward we went to Central park to kick the soccer ball around a bit. Ryan wants to get back into the sport and I of course am encouraging him! We worked a few drills--one-touches, give and go, trapping, etc.--and had a great time. (Last night Ryan sent me the cutest text: "Today was so much fun! Thank you!!!") This was actually good practice for me because...


I have a new job! Up til a week ago my assignment at Lazard was actually three assignments and one of them (two days a week) ended because the woman retired. So I had to make up those extra hours. Originally I was going to send out my resume--and I did spruce it up and write some killer cover letters--but one of the other people I work with her suggested to me that I apply at a company where her daughter takes soccer classes. I applied, went through several rounds of interviews and observing classes (and being observed) and such and well, got the job! I was very worried about the age factor but it doesn't seem to bother them--heck, maybe they think I'm more mature :) So I'll be working with kids anywhere from ages 2 or so up to young teens, teaching them soccer skills and basically encouraging them and indoctrinating them in the love of the game. Doesn't that sound perfect for me? I'm going to give them a shot for a season or so and see if I like it and want to stay on. If all goes well shortly I should be making even more money than I do at Lazard--most of which will go to my Roth-IRA, my savings and my mortgage, in that order :)

I broke down today and went to Eddie Bauer to get a warmer coat. Matt (one of my bosses at work) suggested their "Arctic Parka" which is down-filled and has a hood and lots of zippered pockets. They didn't have that--they were out of a lot--but I did find a pretty blue down-filled coat for comparatively little (under $70). And it's BLUE. It's PRETTY. Winter coats tend to be so ugly and dark and depressing.

Mary pissed me off today. When I came in for the evening shift, she told me that one of the assistants down in the Fund was giving notice and I should look into it. I said that Atrium had already mentioned it to me, and they'd described the gig as temp, possibly, temp-to-perm. I said I wasn't sure about going permanent but it was a possibility. Mary was all "but if you do that you can't be an actor." Mary--don't tell me what I can and can't do. If I agreed to go permanent, be assured I would negotiate being able to leave for auditions from time to time. You know nothing about the industry or how I'd handle it. Don't try to shit all over this.

It just pissed me off. I hate people who try to shut things down--"oh, that can't happen"--without considering other possibilities.