AGAIN

[ceebeegee]

Yesterday I received an email from someone named "Kisor Hart":

Hi there,

Just have a general theater question,but wanted to make sure I have the right person?

I had a weird feeling about it and didn't reply, not even to ask "who is this?"

Tonight I googled the name and found this on a message board:

Hi there,

I was wondering if ANYBODY could help me with something. I'm looking for a picture of ANGELINA JOLIE where she's being carried on one of those bed/chair type things. (kinda like
what cleopatra would be carried on) It happened on some talk show a while ago (possibly Conan)

Oh dear God.

The name also came up as a hit on a adult-restricted website dealing with some kind of festishes. EW. Ew, ew, ew. Hitting "mark as spam" right now.

Comments

[chillygator.livejournal.com]

Ooh I love all of this!!!

For your fetish guy, I agree completely. Have your thing, do what you want, yes, but asking other, completely random people about it? Totally not okay. I love your wording on social boundaries becoming blurred by spending too much time online. Here is where I think (for the sake of the Board question I'm answering) that even though one is introverted, it's still important to make an effort to interact with others if just to keep up on socially acceptable norms. I am one million percent for the internet and meeting and talking to people here, but I also know that if I hid in my bedroom like a recluse for years on end, I would not be capable of being a functioning member of society because I'll have altered my own expectations of reality and lost practice at reading social cues.

And mental illness. Oy, that's always a hard one. There are no obvious signs to say, "This person as aspergers. Be blunt." or "This person is retarded. Beware."

How does one address to someone "normal people don't do this" anyway?

My roommate is very mentally with it (she has a master's in social work and a job as a social worker), but she can't for ANYTHING read social cues. I always wonder if it's because she doesn't care, doesn't practice or something in her just makes her incapable. Like, she's told me many times that people have felt she's interrogating them when she's really just asking them about their lives (in fact, last night she was going through my bags and asking me questions about everything I had -- why did I have so much candy in my purse? When did I start taking birth control? Why? and my answers were abrupt and my body language -- of trying to take the purse away -- seemed to me to be very obvious and she JUST KEPT DOING IT!). Where does it become the person's responsibility to say, "Oh, hey, I must be bad at this because a ton of people say they feel like I'm behaving inappropriate. I should make an effort to be more aware."

As for why "loners" (I really hate that term) have a bad stigma? I think it's a combination of society valuing extroverts and the mentally ill (I also hate that term...) or people who are just socially off (and don't care!) who give it a bad wrap, but I could be wrong (o:

Have I mentioned how much I love your thoughts on things??? I agree with them, but you say things better than I ever will!

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

Your roommate sounds like someone who has lower emotional intelligence (which is interesting in light of the fact that she works in social work). I appreciate your dilemma--one reason I have such extreme frustration with people who don't pick up social cues is because as a WASP, I am essentially conditioned not to be confrontational in social settings, to read social signals. Someone who can't or won't acknowledge my unspoken message is forcing me to choose between either speaking up and overtly establishing a boundary (no, I'm not interested in dating you; I prefer not to be called that; I don't like to be hugged by strangers, etc.), which feels rude, or suffering in silence. People who can, really REALLY need to educate themselves on how to read people because being forced to spell things out can end badly. Remember this guy?

http://chillygator.livejournal.com/788498.html?thread=2330130#t2330130

Although with him I suspect it was more a case of denial than someone who lacked emotional intelligence!

Where does it become the person's responsibility to say, "Oh, hey, I must be bad at this because a ton of people say they feel like I'm behaving inappropriate. I should make an effort to be more aware."

Probably at the point they become annoyed and/or frustrated that people are avoiding them. But this would then require a thoughtful, genuine attempt at self-examination and correction, which is very difficult for a lot of people.

WRT to the stigma of loners--it seems to reason that the more distance you keep, the harder it is to read you, which then makes people less willing to trust you.