Do I wake or sleep?

Yesterday I received an email from someone named "Kisor Hart":

Hi there,

Just have a general theater question,but wanted to make sure I have the right person?

I had a weird feeling about it and didn't reply, not even to ask "who is this?"

Tonight I googled the name and found this on a message board:

Hi there,

I was wondering if ANYBODY could help me with something. I'm looking for a picture of ANGELINA JOLIE where she's being carried on one of those bed/chair type things. (kinda like
what cleopatra would be carried on) It happened on some talk show a while ago (possibly Conan)

Oh dear God.

The name also came up as a hit on a adult-restricted website dealing with some kind of festishes. EW. Ew, ew, ew. Hitting "mark as spam" right now.

Last week I got an email from a stranger, saying:

Subject: Kismet?

Hi there,

I was reading a blog from a while back and I believe you had posted something about wanting to play Lalume?  Kismet is one of my all time  favorite plays and I'm even trying to get my school to do it.

I was just wondering if you ever got to play that part?  If not, what's the closest you've come to playing a "Lalume" type?  I love that  character too, lol

Hope to hear from you.

Tiffany

I don't know this person and was wondering how they got my email address, so I didn't reply.  About five days later I get another email:

Hi again,

Sent a message a while back, but never got a reply.  Wondering if you got it?


So I google her name and her email address, and come across this online on a comic book forum):

Okay, please go easy on me as I'm a "newb" to this site and pretty much to comics in general. But I was hoping I could ask this forum for help.

I'm looking for a scene from a comic book (any comic) of a girl (like a queen or princess or whatever) being carried on one of those beautiful carriage things. (like what Cleopatra would travel on) I remember seeing one a few years ago when I was in middle school and some kid brought one to class, but for the life of me, can't remember which one.

Anyway, if anyone is able to show me a picture from any comic they know of (or heck, even video if one exists) where a girl is carried on one of those. The only one I've tried finding so far was like Poision Ivy from Batman. I can see her being the type that would have her minions carrying her around on one of those, but no luck finding anything.

Hope to hear from anyone of you.

Best Wishes.

Tiffany

I decide she's probably harmless, and if it's a young person, I like mentoring them, so I write back:


She replies:

Oh, I was doing a google search of "Lalume" and "Kismet" and it must have pulled your blog up as a result.

So, have you ever played a part where you were like a queen or princess being carried on one of those beautiful carriage things, or doing something snobby like being fanned and fed grapes? lol

I love roles like that. I know Lalume does it in Kismet and Princess Barbara in Apple Tree.

?????  And now this is starting to ring a bell--it takes me a day or two but I think I finally remember--I think she contacted me through YouTube.  So today I go onto YouTube on my iPad and laboriously search through ALL of the emails I've received...and finally come across this from 2 years ago:

Hi there,

Got kinda dumb question for you.  In the version of "Funny Thing Forum" you did, was there a scene where a girl (like a queen or princess or whatever) was carried on or off stage on one of those 'lounge chaise / carriage' things?

I don't know how I replied (can't access my YouTube outbox on my iPad) but she replied to my reply, saying:

Oh, I see,  Ya, I love that play too.  So, do you happen to have any scenes where someone is making their entrance like that?  I love big entrances where a girl is being carried over one of those things.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Look, I'll be honest--after The Fungus I have ZERO tolerance for the crazy.  Stop fucking emailing me and stop pestering people about what seems like a fetish!  I don't care.  You're creeping me the fuck out.

And anyone whose writing tics include "lol" will never get respect from me.