Marie's Crisis

[ceebeegee]

So yesterday was the Busybusybusy Day From Hell--3 auditions, plus two temp jobs and the Spotlight On party. My last audition went over a bit so I got to the SO party late, around 10:00, by which time they were packing up. I spoke to Frank et al. (I got your makeup bag, Paula) for a bit and then decided, since it was still fairly early, to go to Marie's Crisis. It's pretty rare for me to go out by myself, but it's Marie's--obviously I didn't think anyone would hit on me. It was not at all crowded--I got a seat at the bar immediately. They were in the middle of singing "I Know Him So Well" from Chess and the pianist was trying to think of what to do next, and I suggested "Someone Else's Story" (also from Chess). He eyeballed me and said "Do you sing that?" I said yes, so I did--I should've had him take it up a half- or whole step, because it did feel a little low. Then we sang a bunch of other things--there was a sweet girl on my right and another girl across the bar who kept getting the monologues and spoken lead-ins to songs wrong. She messed up "Dance: 10, Looks: 3" AND "Nothing." There was also an extremely drunk gay guy who looked like a black-haired Martin Short who I was nice to at first, and then he started getting on my nerves. Just being loud and really sloppy. At one point, after the tip jar had been passed around, he stood very close to me and started talking about "the bitches" at one of those tables--I'm not sure why they earned that sobriquet (maybe they didn't tip?)--but I smiled briefly and turned back to the pianist. I don't want drama, I just wanna sit here and sing showtunes. It's difficult to say something in those situations because MC's is like a living room or something, very friendly and you dont't want to cause trouble, but he was really annoying and loud. I wish the bartender or someone would step in in those situations.

There was a nice gay guy named Derek sitting on my left with whom I was singing who got up after awhile and moved to to other side of the bar to get away from Annoying Gay Drunk Guy. Then a really big guy--he must've been at least 300 pounds--sat down where the other guy had been. Okay, what is it with the looking thing? This guy did not stop looking at me. There was a whole barroom full of people, including the pianist and a bunch of people across the piano, but during every single song, this guy kept looking back at me. I figured he was straight from that, and then he later proved it. The pianist started playing "Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In" and afterward I asked if he knew "Frank Mills" or "The Flesh Failures." He didn't even know what the last one was--I had to explain to him it was the lead in to "Let the Sun Shine In" and I started singing it: "We starve, look/At one another, short of breath/Walking proudly in our winter coats/Wearing smells from laboratories/Facing a dying nation..." Fat Guy says to me "Did you do that show?" I said yes, he said "I'm sure you didn't do the nude scene." I said, of course I did. He said smarmily "Oh, I would've like to have seen that production. " Oh BARF. What the hell? Why would you say that to someone you don't know? Do you honestly feel that's appropriate repartee at a (implicitly) GAY BAR? Where a lone woman goes so she WON'T BE HIT ON? Fuck you, you Fat Fuck. You'll never get laid with game like that.

The thing is, it's really difficult to say these things, or even think them at the time. As I said, it's Marie's, it's a nice cozy place, you don't want to cause trouble. I didn't even realize how annoyed I was at this guy until later--I tried to ignore him as much as possible. Later I thought--maybe I could've said "Why would you say that?" Or even "Why are you staring at me?" (WTF is it with the staring, BTW? Do men not have a clue how annoying/disturbing that is? Newsflash--if I'm not looking back, I'M NOT INTERESTED. Get a fucking clue.)

Later, I sang "Suddenly Seymour" with the guy on my right. It felt really good, for once. That was fun.

As I started to leave, Fat Guy says to me, smarmily, "I assume you're in the business?" Ooh yeah, we're such jaded colleagues, you and I. NOT. I assume that kind of arch, smarmy facade is some sort of protection, because I'm sure the guy gets shot down all the time. I love Marie's and of course will go back, it's just annoying that I get hit on by Fat Bastard at a GAY BAR. You'd think there of all places I'd be safe.

Comments

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

"You're staring."

Put that in your back pocket and pull it out whenever necessary. Make up a repetoire of short, sharp and concise rebuffments. Know them well and use them like Karate.

"Do not continue to communicate with me."

Things like that are clear to even drunk people and a command like this one is unemotional and doesn't necessarily invite further comment.

Experiment with some of your own! Thrill and amaze friends. FUN AT PARTIES!

[mollyx.livejournal.com]

One of my favorites from junior high is:
"Did you lose something in my face?!"

Good one. Classic.

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

Yes and no. It pretty-much invites further comment.
What I'm talking about isn't cute. It's dry and it communicates an unwillingness for any further verbal or non-verbal contact. Period.

An escalation might be the words "No" and "Stop".

No points for style. Points awarded for successful rebuff only.

[mollyx.livejournal.com]

It's all in the delivery. No cutesy stuff, just a direct, hands on hip, "Well?!" kind of thing.

Jeez. You're like an East German judge.

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

Ich bin, Ja!

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

You're right, of course. The downside is that when you use these--that is, when I use these--I get called a blonde bitch, and other things of that nature. There's a certain kind of person--can be either a man or a woman--who holds blondes to a different standard of behavior--if you're not perkyperkyperky and friendly to friend and foe alike, you're a bitch. And then, with this guy, you'll get the Angry Man syndrome. "Hey, I was just being nice." With the subtext of "you owe me." God save us from the self-styled Nice Guys who think You Owe Them.

I've run into it more times than I can count. The sadsack "Nice Guy" who is attracted, makes a pallid pass to which I don't respond, and then turns into Angry (and frequently Drunk) Guy. It's like I'm the stand-in for every cheerleader who ignored him in high school.

But you're right.

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

I'm only right if it works. What qualifies for working?
If you're worried about hurting the abusers feelings then you're not only denying your own right to a nice night but you're putting yourself in danger from these men. A danger you DON'T know about. Better to have them yelling than quietly following you down the street.

And what's wrong with non-alcoholic enertainment?
There MUST be dry activities in the city where men act like adults and aren't drunk.
I mean, if it really bothers you, you should seek out some alternatives. Give 'em a try. You may find a whole world of fun, respectful sober people.

[kellygirlnyc.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I don't say things to people because my knee jerk response is, they'll yell at me or make me feel uncomfortable. My voice teacher had told me once, if you feel you're being followed there are 2 good tricks: walk out into the street, obviously carefully; you'll attract attention and dissuade your follower from following, or start yelling out the physical characteristics of the person following you really loudly.

I know this is a far cry from staring at someone in a bar, but if it ever escalates, I'm told this is a smart thing to do. That's a good idea to nip it in the bud by saying, "You're staring," or something like it.

I think the part that would make me feel the weirdest is doing it in a spot that I felt comfortable in, like that I considered 'my hangout' where the other people there might perceive me as a bitch. I don't know. I also like to think that I would say something, and I might now that I've gotten older, but I always worry that I wouldn't, because of my fear of provocation.

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

Fear of provocation?

HOW DAAARRRRRRRRE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?

I understand you being concerned by what others looking-on might think, but that's just not important enough in my opinion.
If you ARE a regular or semi-regular then the staff should KNOW already that you're NOT a bitch. If they still don't know who you are but you feel like a regular customer, they aren't likely to remember this either are they? So who cares.

You need to meet my friend Margo or spend some time with her or something.

Margo yells at people who walk on the left side of the sidewalk. She also elbows them. She's nuts but she's fun.

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

if you feel you're being followed there are 2 good tricks: walk out into the street, obviously carefully; you'll attract attention and dissuade your follower from following, or start yelling out the physical characteristics of the person following you really loudly.


I've done the former, many times. Also I've taken out my Mace canister, elaborately so they know I have it. I've also told them to stop following me. And then one time in the Village, when a car full of Guidos was saying stuff to me, I pulled out the Mace and walked toward them, about to spray it. They TOOK OFF when they realized what I had in my hand, screaming (yes, screaming, not yelling) "BITCH!!! out the window, and I stood there on the sidewalk flipping them off and just busted a gut laughing. Man, that was funny. Fucking assholes. Bet someone had to bleach their tighty-whities the next day.

But yeah, it's different when you're in a bar, a nice comfortable safe place like Marie's. There's also the whole "delayed anger" thing a lot of women have, I in particular. You're focused on enjoying yourself, and denying that the staring is making you uncomfortable--you're thinking "if I just ignore him, he'll get it." The anger takes awhile to build--I just wanted to have a good time, and not have to get angry at this guy, you know?

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

I'm not worried about hurting anyone's feelings--but I don't like it when people call me a blonde bitch. I think that's pretty understandable.

It's not about alcohol--I've had plenty of men do this to me when they're sober.

[son-of-ottie.livejournal.com]

Dye your hair, gain 40 pounds of muscle mass and switch to minge. FABULOUS!!