Deal breakers

[ceebeegee]

Interesting article about "deal breakers."

I have a problem with the slant of this article--that women are the only gender who have deal breakers. In fact that was a running joke on Seinfeld about how inexlicably picky he and George were. And I think the concept of deal breakers is ill-defined. Any woman would be pissed at some of the behavior portrayed. Like "There's the dumb remark, as in 'I guess I should have told you I was a drug dealer.' Or: 'Do you know you have cellulite on your legs?' " I mean, duh!

But then this pissed me off, on behalf of the guys:

Who pays for a date can also be a big deal. Two generations ago, the man was expected to. A generation later, women paid their own way. Today, many young ladies silently embrace the notion that the guy should pay if he can afford it -- but guys don't seem to have caught on.

Fuck that. I cannot stand women who expect that. I saw a Today show segment about that a few years ago and my head exploded--the would-be princesses dissing any man who didn't pay. Fuck. That. Men are not banks, and women are not princesses. We are all adults. And not to mention, money comes with strings attached sometimes.

OTOH, this also pissed me off:

Chanel Hill, a GW junior, was pursued in high school by a guy whom she finally agreed to go out with once she got to college. He asked her to dinner, assuring her "You won't have to pay for a thing." They took the Metro to Union Station, dined at Johnny Rocket's, laughed over old times. Then the bill came. "It lay on the table for 10, 15, then 20 minutes," Hill recalls. "I went to the bathroom and when I came back, it was still there." Finally, the young man asked, "Chanel, what are you going to contribute?"

Dude. If you offer to pay, you should pay. A guy once asked me out, named the restaurant (and it wasn't cheap) and then asked for a contribution at the end--and I was pretty poor at the time. He did pay most of it but I thought that was very poor form. If I'd known he wanted a contribution, I would've suggested a less expensive restaurant.

But then, again OTOH, this infuriated me:

Some of her girlfriends expect to be spoiled, she says. Kalinger, though, doesn't like expensive gifts. When a boy she had been seeing for two weeks gave her a diamond heart necklace from Tiffany & Co., she cut loose. But she kept the necklace.

Sooooooooooo tacky. Unbelievably poor form. You kept a Tiffany diamond heart necklace??? And dumped the guy? I'm just shaking my head at that. I can't believe her mother let her do that.

Comments

[mysticblaze.livejournal.com]

I would have said, "Loser, you are not getting any money from me. YOU wanted to take me out to an expensive place, YOU urged me to pick an expensive wine. It was all YOUR idea. Now suffer the consequences of your decision. And by the way, I never want to see you again. Stop wasting my time."

Then again, in the second year of the relationship with my ex, ie when he had more money, he wanted to go to an expensive restaurant, I would make sure to tell him that if he wanted to go we could BUT that I would not be able to afford it or to contribute unless we went to a less expensive place.

The problem here was even though he understood my financial situation, he would go ahead and take me to the expensive restaurant and pay, and then years later I came to find out that he resented me for having to pay. My ex clearly had prior notice that we should have gone to a cheaper place if he wanted me to contribute.

[minstrel70.livejournal.com]

Then there's the case of a woman insisting on an expensive place, knowing that the man can't afford it, and not even offering to contribute. Happened to me on Valentine's Day 1993. Top of the Sixes, a $300 dinner. I was a starving college student at the time, and she knew this. That we stayed together for three months after that still amazes me.

[mysticblaze.livejournal.com]

If a woman insists on an expensive place and knows that the man can't afford it, she better be prepared to contribute her share. If she doesn't want to contribute, then there is no point in going anywhere. Why should you have to bear the brunt of her capriciousness?

[minstrel70.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I was 22, stupid, and enjoying the best sex I'd had at that point in my life, so I didn't really fight it.

The thing that I was most upset about was that I had asked her to pick the restaurant because I was new to the area and didn't know where to go, but I specifically said it should be nice, but not too expensive. I guess I should feel lucky she didn't choose the Russian Tea Room or Tavern on the Green.

[mysticblaze.livejournal.com]

I think that explains why you stayed together with her 3 months afterwards...

Contrary to popular belief, it is (was possible in the case of the Russian Tea Room) to have a not too expensive dinner at Tavern on the Green. You might actually have been better off.

As for a pick of restaurants, one word: Zagat's. Come to think of it, if you didn't know that she had chosen an expensive restaurant, you could have called them and asked what their price range was before that night, cancelled and chosen a different place.

[minstrel70.livejournal.com]

I was a New York newbie at the time. I'd been in the area less than six months, and was quite thoroughly clueless. Of course I know about Zagat's now...

[foulpost.livejournal.com]

I would have taken her to Arby's.

[mysticblaze.livejournal.com]

Arby's was probably too good for her. The dollar menu at McDonald's is a better possibility.

[minstrel70.livejournal.com]

She deserved no better. I speak, of course, of Maritza.

[minstrel70.livejournal.com]

Certifiable, and I've known it for some time.