Do I wake or sleep?

Thursday I was lugging home a bunch of bags--my purse, plus the L.L. Bean bag in which I normally carry, plus another couple of bags from shopping. As I entered the subway at Columbus Circle, I passed a guy with long dreads who was saying "Hey, Miss? Can I speak to you? Hey, Miss? Miss? I'd like to speak to you?" I just assumed he was taking a poll or something--he had that kind of "ultra-liberal volunteer" look to him (dreads, clean white tee-shirt)--and walked past him, intent on making it down the stairs with my four bags. As I walked past him, he started getting nastier--"have a nice day, miss [sarcastically]. Try to be a little nicer next time." This was all going in one ear and out the other--as I said, I had all these bags, so I wasn't really listening, and certainly didn't acknowledge him. He came to the railing to yell at me as I made my way down the stairs--"yeah, you could be a little nicer next time! It's rude to ignore people!" Astonished, I and about 4-5 other people turned our heads to look at this guy. I started laughing and just continued my way down to the turnstile. Dude--your game SU-UCKS. If that's how pissy you get when a complete stranger (in New York City, no less!) doesn't talk to you just because you decide YOU want her to, I can't even imagine how you are with a few drinks in you.

This brings me to my point--just because (you think) you're nice (and it's debatable about how "nice" it is to try to force your company on someone), doesn't mean the woman owes you whatever you want in return. Not a conversation, not acknowledgment--if you think she's attractive, it's possible other guys (or women! but I've never been harassed on the street by a lesbian :) do as well, and she may well be used to this. And more to the point, tired of it, even if it is "nice" as opposed to disgusting. Being nice or polite doesn't mean the woman has to stop and talk to you, much less anything else. She has agency, you know. And the whole "I'm nice, therefore I deserve..." Some guy posted on imdb "Why Do Good guys Never get Laid?" (yes, that was the actual title of his post on the message board) and I couldn't resist, I responded "because they whine about it?" Why do so-called Nice Guys have to advertise it? If you really want to be nice--i.e., decent, a mensch, a person who maintains a baseline level of courtesy--why not just do it because it's the nice thing to do? Instead of doing it so you can wave your Nice Guy flag and therefore get laid? Is it a tactic or is it who you really are?

So in the wake of my visit to the Cape Ann area (where the train paused in Salem), my imagination has been reawakened and I Netflixed some videos about the Witch Trials. This happens every few years, I get fascinated all over again by that story and have to read/study everything I can find about it. One time back in the early '90s I was watching a PBS (PBS? Maybe it was another channel. Here is a link to the transcript but I know it aired much earlier than '97, I thought I watched it in '93? ANYWAY) documentary about the Little Rascals day care molestation trial in the late '80s, and what I saw horrified me. In the documentary they talked about little kids testifying--very young, as young as 3 and 4--which is scary enough. Kids that young are completely unreliable witnesses, for a variety of reasons, not least of which is they don't always know the difference between a lie/story and the truth. Furthermore, at that age they generally want to please the adults in their lives, so they'll tell you what they think you want to hear. You can use them for investigative purposes, perhaps, but not to convict someone. And the testimony proved it--these kids were talking about being fed to sharks and aliens and babies being murdered and whatall. Uh, HELLO!--maybe the kid doesn't have a firm grasp on the truth if that's what s/he is saying on the stand?!

The absolute nature of this statement scares me: "I believe the children. I know now that children do not lie about things like this." Now, I am certainly not saying never believe your children or act skeptical when they come to you, not at all. But the idea that "children don't lie" is a dangerous one--children DO lie sometimes, for many reasons--revenge, power, for fun. And they can lie especially when the adult they want to please is asking them leading questions. Heck, there was a case just the other day about some poor father who'd been in prison for 20 years for abusing his children, and the kids (who are now grown up, obviously) recanted their stories. You can't just take kids' words as the gospel truth, you have to apply some kind of reasonable theory of proof to what they say.

There were other things that gave pause as well--one of the jurors admitted that he'd lied during the voir dire process (when the defense and the prosecution interview members of the jury pool to decide who they want on the panel). They try to weed out anyone who might be "out for revenge"--one of the questions they ask is if you've ever been a victim of a crime, especially a crime like the one that's being tried. This particular juror lied and said no, but admitted later he had been molested as a child--and lied so he could get on the jury. In other words, he hijacked the whole judicial process, because he'd decided that the defendants were guilty before they'd even been tried. Absolutely horrifying.

( Between the dark and the daylight, when the sun is beginning to lower/Comes a time that is known as Children's Hour... )

And then after I came back, I got a "History's Mysteries" DVD about Salem, and also a movie, a miniseries that aired in 2003 starring Kirstie Alley and, again, Shirley MacLaine. The former was a'ight--didn't really tell me anything I didn't already know and was a little cheesy. But the miniseries! I was astounded at good it was--and how come I'd never heard of this? I had cable in 2003, I watched TV all the time then, I can't believe this slipped under my radar. It's extremely well-researched--I kept looking up stuff to check their facts and almost everything is right on. For example when Rebecca Nurse is examined before going to trial, she is made to strip naked and be physically--and intimately--examined by two midwives, in full view of a bunch of men. And they go everywhere. If you read the records, one piece of "evidence" that worked against her was that way down in her nether regions (basically her perineum) was some bit of flesh that was deemed "insensitive"--somehow this was supposed to be evidence that she was a witch. Can you believe that?? This elderly woman, of impeccable reputation and a founding member of the church, being fingered in full view of these men who are sitting in judgment on her. Unbelievable!

And the performances! Every single actor in this does an amazing job, especially the girls. They're incredible. The girl who plays Ann Putnam, Jr. (one of the major witnesses--i.e., "afflicted" girls--The Crucible notwithstanding, Abigail Williams wasn't a ringleader so much as some others were, and she was only 11 when this was happening and certainly had never had an affair with John Proctor) is just OUTSTANDING--not one false note in her performance and she has a doozy of a role to pull off. There are a couple of scenes that are especially creepy, one of which is when, well into the whole ordeal when they're sending the girls to other districts to try to "sniff out" witches there, the girls are on their way to Andover. Young Ann sees her mother and smiles shyly and waves--like "aren't you proud of me?" *Shudder* The other girls are all terrific as well, especially the little one playing Betty Parris--very, very strong, self-assured performance, she just submerged herself into the role. Kirstie Alley plays Ann Putnam (Senior) and does a great job, and Shirley MacLaine is just luminous as Rebecca Nurse. I'm so used to seeing her play these fiesty types and this was completely against type--and she nails it. The guy who plays the minister, Reverend Parris, is also terrific.

What I thought was so great about it was how it manages to suggest not just one, but several explanations for what happened. It sets the tone with the Indian attacks and the whole terrifying worldview that the Puritans had--life is incredibly hard, and then you die and possibly go to Hell. Fun is sinful--your only salvation is in suffering and hard work. With all this psychological stress, I can't believe MORE people didn't go crazy. And even with all that, you still have to watch out for your neighbors, who are more than happy to screw you over as well. (You would think in an environment as harsh as a Massachusetts village in 1692, they would see the benefits of getting along and working together.) It certainly seems apparent that in some weird way Ann Putnam Jr. served as some kind of instrument of revenge for her parents--all the "witches" were on the other Salem faction, the one that opposed the Putnam/Parrises. (There's a great scene toward the end when Ann Putnam Sr. warns her brother-in-law--Thomas Putnam's much younger half-brother whose birth had carved out even more land from what Thomas saw as his birthright--and who had further infuriated Thomas by marrying a Porter from the other faction. Ann Sr. warns her brother that he might be next--she's starting to see the pattern--and then you see little Ann staring at the young man, taking in every word. And you see Joseph Putnam and his bride and the mother of his newborn child being arrested in slow-motion. Beautifully shot sequence.) And of course all the "afflicted" girls were on the Putnam/Parris side. But it was much more than a simple power grab--I do think those girls went a little nutso, and I don't necessarily think they were faking it, as such. I think they allowed themselves to be convinced that they were bewitched. They were so little valued, these girls--and what had they to look forward to? Death in childbirth? A joyless marriage and existence? Finally someone was listening to them, finally they felt alive. (Obviously I am not at all condoning what they did--I'm suggesting this is how on some dark, hidden level, it happened.)

They don't introduce the ergot theory though--it's an interesting theory but the Puritans did know about ergot poisoning, and probably would've identified that. Besides why would that only affect a small group of girls?

The scenes where the condemned go to be hanged are the most powerful, of course. When Rebecca Nurse is standing there on the cart, lifting her face to the heavens and praying as the noose is out around her neck, Reverend Parris is furious--he is literally bellowing at her to stop praying. You can see this is where the tide begins to turn, the crowd is visibly upset at her execution (and an interesting note--she was actually found innocent at first, and the judge basically told the jury "go back and try again." They knew what kind of verdict was expected of them. The miniseries leaves that fact out, probably for lack of time, as it is pretty long already but definitely worth it).

...I just enjoyed the most delicious, fattening-yet-nutritious dinner...salted lobster ravioli sauteed in garlic and olive oil, with parmesan cheese on top, plus a not-quite-ripe (but delicious nonetheless) avocado. SO good, SO rich...God bless Italy! (And Trader Joe's--I gotta get more of this ravioli!)

I love working out because then you can eat a-ny-thing you want afterwards.

Had an annoying experience Saturday morning. Preparatory to leaving for rehearsal, I was walking downstairs with a bag of recyclables in my hand, to leave in the trash alley next to the building. I had my iPod shuffle on, although it was not very loud. As I approached the front doors, I passed by the mailman who was facing the wall at one of the panels with the apartments listed. I heard him say something but didn't pay attention, assuming he was trying to buzz someone. I'm almost at the door and I hear a noise behind me--finally I turn around and the mailman is facing me, saying something. I take my earphones out and he's saying "Hel-lo-o? Como es-ta?" in, frankly, an inappropriate tone, as though he were annoyed. I kind of shook my head, and say "Sorry? What's going on? Do you have a package for me?" Once he saw that I'd had the earphones on he said "Ah, ok-kay--what, you don't want to say hello to your mailman?" Again, I shook my head, like "Huh? What is this?" He saw that I wasn't playing along and tried again, saying "what apartment do you live in? Are you home during the day?" I paused and said "sometimes...?" He was trying to sound more important, saying "see, sometimes I might have a package and if I can't reach you, then you have to pick it up at the post office." WhatEVER--what a loser! Who cares? Unless I'm expecting someone, I do not answer the door--there's always someone who wants to be buzzed in and I don't feel like dealing with it so I guess any packages we get, we'll have to pick up at the post office which is a whole three minutes away!

First off, the guy was facing away from me--I had no idea he was talking to me in the first place, and I could hardly hear him in any case. Second, if you say hello to someone and for whatever reason they don't want to say hello back or don't respond, the polite thing to do is smile, or not, and MOVE ON. You don't track them down and start dishing attitude with "hel-lo, como es-ta?" How pathetic are you, running after a woman who's listening to her iPod and getting all pissy because she didn't hear you say hello? And even if she did, she has a right not to respond. This is the city, people have different levels of comfortable social interaction. You do not try to FORCE someone to say hello, you cannot force someone to be sociable. What a loser! There is a certain kind of self-important guy that really does think he can force a hello out of you--I run into that with the building where my dentist is, one of the doormen gets very pissy if you don't chitchat with him. I'm not your girlfriend, or your friend. I don't know you, and I don't owe you friendliness. And I think it's likely that if I were 80 years old, there would be a lot less attitude from you about whether or not I say hello. So this isn't about neighborliness--it's about the blonde who you think is ignoring you, and your ego can't take that.

I exited the building, putting my earphones back in and dumped the recyclables and when I came back up out of the alley, Annoying Mailman was there on the sidewalk, asking me something again. Again, I took out my earphones and he repeated "do you think the fire station is open?" (We have a firehouse next to us.) Again, I gave him this "What the hell?" look and said "uh, I guess so...?" He said "see, you got to know that I joke around like that--I'm always joking with my customers, the firehouse is always open..." I paused and gave him this very baffled expression, kind of shook my head, and moved away. Stop trying to force me to engage with you! Just let me go on about my day, for God's sake.

If I see him again, the earphones stay on, and I'll just pretend I don't see him.

I got a pedicure last night and as I was sitting there in the chair, the TV was of course broadcasting "news" about MJ's funeral. Okay, fine--I'm not interested but a lot of people are, and whatever. But they kept playing over and over that little girl's words to her father. I read an interesting article the other day that put that incident in some perspective although I don't agree with all the author's conclusions. For instance I don't think her aunts' support was staged, and I don't think her address was staged--I think she HAD to say something, she had to put her feelings out there. And that's entirely appropriate--she and her brothers are the ones who are suffering the most from this. But it really bothers me that WE all heard this, that now this little one's heartfelt words of farewell to her father now belong to the ages. That's just too private. They kept replaying it last night--I must have heard it at least three times. I don't want to have that kind of intimate knowledge about that poor little kid, it just feels like it's adding to the damage. It's none of my business, and I guess I wish the family had said "why don't you say this at the private service, honey?"

I have to say, the little girl and her older brother are GORGEOUS, weird names and all.

So I spent this weekend up in the Cape Ann area of Massachusetts. I've driven through this area several times, mainly from when I was a kid living in New Hampshire with my dad, and even visited once (we took a daytrip to Salem). But I haven't seen it in a long time--my LORD, the area is so beautiful, such a perfect marriage of land and sea, saltwater and freshwater, soil and marsh and river. I love all the old, old buildings with their typically New England style--impassive Federals, quaint Victorians with their cupolas, gables everywhere. I literally did not see one tacky building--even the houses that hadn't been kept up as well had charm.





And their food is pretty damn good as well--behold, the lobster roll, paired with an Ispwich Ale!



The wedding events were all over the map--the rehearsal dinner was in Ipswich, the house where all my aunts were staying was in Gloucester (whence the fisherman of The Perfect Storm originated--sadly, I never glimpsed the Crow's Nest), and the B&B where a bunch of other guests were staying was in Essex. I left Thursday afternoon, catching one of the Chinatown buses to Boston. A word to the wise: do not ever ride Lucky Star bus lines. That was one of the most disgusting experiences of my life--the bathroom was covered with graffiti, insects in the cabin and water on the floor. Absolutely revolting. When we finally pulled into Boston, I had to take the T and then a commuter train to get to Ipswich. (How sad is it that the floor of the train station where I waited was cleaner than the bus? The T was also very clean--nice system.) When I was on the commuter train, I was looking out the window and noticed as we passed through the Salem station--between the constant rain the and the advent of dusk, the light was very odd, murky and mysterious, and I was thinking "just a few miles from here, the witch trials happened--this inexplicable, overwhelming tragedy." Just imagining those girls listening to Tituba in their kitchen during the endless Massachusetts winter, being fascinated and disturbed, and finally exploding and finding that, for the first time in their lives, they could actually wield some power, some actually listened to them. I find the Salem witch trials absolutely riveting--The Crucible is one of my favorite plays. And any girl who has ever suffered through a New England winter can understand completely how that happened.

( Come, civil night... )

( My Big Fat WASP/Greek Wedding )

She asked me why my dad wasn't there and I said "uh, well, he's in New Hampshire, he couldn't make it this time." She gave me this GIMLET stare and said "NONE of the boys could make it, could they?!" She was disgusted with them and said "as the senior member of the family" she was going to write them.

For those who are unaware, my dad and his two brothers are engaged in a huge, ridiculous feud with my aunts--it's too long and boring to go into, but it stems from the circumstances and aftermath of my grandmother's death, and some of the root causes go back even further. All of the cousins think the whole thing is ridiculous and have refused to take sides. I was quite the cousin celebrity for even showing up to the wedding, since I'm the daughter of a brother--Chandler said "You're the family rebel!" I was all "Listen, I'd love to get that rap but I'll tell you, Daddy has never ever put pressure on any of us to side with him--in fact, he's never even told me his side, just that he's very angry with his sisters." However Chandler thinks there was some kind of...pressure, either overt or implied, by my uncles--my cousin Courtney canceled at the last minute, literally the day of the rehearsal (and she had had hotel rooms for her and her three kids, she's out all that money). Also Chandler had spoken to our cousin Skip who said "look, I've finally been accepted back into the fold by my dad--I don't want to do anything to piss him off again." (Skip is a bit of a black sheep.) I gotta say, though, that does not sound like either Metty's or Chips's (my uncles) style. They may be personally engaged in this silly feud but I just don't see them trying to mess it up for the next generation, Metty and Chips are both very kind. Anyway, Larson was very touched that I had come and hugged me hard several times. He was really hoping more of us could make it and had tracked down every single cousin's address to mail them invitations. I know Bart wanted to come but he'd made vacation plans a long time ago. I am a little annoyed Chips's kids didn't make more of an effort though--they live in Auburn, not that far away.

ANYWAY. So we danced for a LONG time, the reception lasted for like 5 hours.




Me with my aunt Nancy, and my cousin Roslyn.



Princess Ella with me and Aunt Casey. When Casey was a teenager, she was a print model--she did ads for Kodak and several other companies. Then she became quite the hippie in the late '60s and '70s--she was one of my "cool aunts" (my aunt Jenny on my Mom's side was the other).

We finally left around 12:30 and crawled back to the Gloucester house, where everyone just hung out in the living room in a daze.



( Essex )

One of Clarissa's friends drove me all the way back to Greenwich and I was able to have some Dairy Queen--the Blizzard of the Month, a peanut butter concoction made with peanut butter, peanuts, and crushed Tagalongs. YUM. It is a tragedy of geography that Dairy Queen does not see fit to open a branch up in Manhattan.

...and someone for whom I have much less mixed feelings--the beautiful and talented Farrah Fawcett. May she rest in peace, beautiful lady. This woman was an icon, in every sense, in the '70s--EVERYONE had that poster. It was so ubiquitous, my mother bought my brother and me each our own copies, which we thought was cool. And then when Charlie's Angels started--we all idolized her. My girlfriends and I would play Charlie's Angels--since my friend Beth was the coolest, she got to play Jill (the Farrah character) and I had to play Kelly, until I finally pointed out that I was the blonde! Luckily Beth had a sense of fairplay. But I wanted to get the same car Jill had--a white Cobra. And we all tried to skateboard like she did in the show. I even had Charlie's Angels trading cards. She was the epitome of All-American, casual gorgeousness and we all wanted to be just like her. (If you can believe it, she visited the small town in New Hampshire where my father was living, and I got my hair cut at the same salon later on--I bragged about that incessantly. Her visit to that town was a HUGE deal.)

She did Wella Balsam ads, until she started her own line of shampoos, which sometimes my parents bought for me as a treat. And in addition to the Charlie's Angels doll set, there was also a Farrah doll--which, yes, I also got. I remember the hair was all floofy like hers (like Jennifer Aniston's "Rachel" cut after Friends hit big, everyone wanted the "Farrah" cut as well, with "wings"!). And the doll had fingernails, which was a first for one of my dolls (Barbie doesn't have long fingernails). And the jingle went

Who's the doll with the head of golden hair?
Farrah!
The doll with the face so pretty, so fair?
Farrah!
(Interlude of people wailing in honor of said doll)
Farrah! Farrah we love you!

Enough ads of these during the afternoon hours and my parents didn't have a chance--they HAD to get it for me.

And then after all that--she reinvented herself as a strong actor. The Burning Bed is a great movie--everyone's great but she carries it. Watch the hopeless way she says the line "Somethin' awful's gonna happen." Watch that, and then watch her as Diane Downs, who tried to murder her own children. Oh, she is so CREEPY as DD, so...trying too hard to be normal, she does a terrific job. And she took over the role of Marjorie in Extremities, a difficult role, very intense and physical.

Rest in peace, beautiful lady...

Flirting is just soooooo much fun. I'm just going to throw that out there :)

I have to say, I find the whole David Carradine story extremely depressing. I feel so awful for his family. What kind of filthy newspaper would actually publicize a picture like that? What a cruel, inhuman thing to do. I hope the family is dealing with this as best as they can.