La vie e bella
Aug. 13th, 2007 07:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceebeegeeComplaining incessantly makes things worse, new study finds. Interesting article.
Sometimes a kvetching session can spiral out of control, admits 21-year-old Amanda Beattie. Instead of making her feel better about the problem, it reinforces the small fears she already had — or even introduces new ones.
“It goes from statements about how I’m feeling to, ‘OK, so-and-so must hate me,’ to ‘I bet they never liked me in their life,’” says Beattie, who lives in Kansas City, Mo. “The more you talk, it hypes up your emotions.”
It's kind of like behavioral therapy in reverse--when you act on a belief, you make it more real, it feels more real, you're reinforcing the belief. Behavioral therapy says if you act as though you believe yourself to be a certain way--confident, beautiful, kind, happy--even if you really aren't, what you're putting out will reinforce the idea that you are.
My grandmother was a very negative person--I loved her dearly but she was, and it left a mark on my mother. Memaw could be extremely critical of people, very dismissive and after awhile I would have to get up and leave the room just to clear my head. I just didn't want to be near that. Now by nature I'm not a submissive person--I'm a warrior and I'm sure I get that from her. But the incessant negativity was truly bothersome--I'm just not a fatalistic or pessimistic person although genetics has blessed me with a predisposition toward depression. I thank God that I was born with the father I have, because he taught all of us (my brothers and me) the coping mechanism of humor.
I've been through some pretty stressful situations and I'll respond in a variety of ways--rationalization, discussion, attempts to solve the problems. But one rather delightful side effect of extreme stress is how funny I suddenly find things. I remember during the first week of my ship contract (that is, the first week after we'd signed on and were rehearsing or performing easily 12+ hours a day). Preston STILL couldn't get one step right and Aly flipped out and yelled "it's step-DRAG, Preston! Step-DRAG, it's so fucking simple!" And she proceeded to execute this simple step, dragging her right foot around her in a circle and looking fucking HILARIOUS. She looked like the village idiot--I'm giggling even now, thinking about it. I also remember after a month of basically starving (because we couldn't keep food in our rooms, and there was no food to be had after the shows, and of course nobody's going to eat much right before two big dance shows at 8:30 and 10)--I remember lying in bed and starting to giggle a little hysterically and Gillian, my roommate, asking me what was up. I said "Gillian--when did I sign up for fat camp?" This too is making me laugh even now. We THOUGHT we'd signed a cruise ship contract, but REALLY it was MTV's "Fat Camp"--hijinks on the high seas as Clara and her friends struggle to maintain a normal weight as they dance, dance, dance! Anchors aweigh!
As a coda, Preston--who was INSANELY negative, he once gave us a note saying "we all sucked"--ended up getting fired fairly quickly. He really didn't want to be there and pretty much sabotaged himself--he got caught banging a passenger in his cabin (two fireable offenses right there).
Sometimes a kvetching session can spiral out of control, admits 21-year-old Amanda Beattie. Instead of making her feel better about the problem, it reinforces the small fears she already had — or even introduces new ones.
“It goes from statements about how I’m feeling to, ‘OK, so-and-so must hate me,’ to ‘I bet they never liked me in their life,’” says Beattie, who lives in Kansas City, Mo. “The more you talk, it hypes up your emotions.”
It's kind of like behavioral therapy in reverse--when you act on a belief, you make it more real, it feels more real, you're reinforcing the belief. Behavioral therapy says if you act as though you believe yourself to be a certain way--confident, beautiful, kind, happy--even if you really aren't, what you're putting out will reinforce the idea that you are.
My grandmother was a very negative person--I loved her dearly but she was, and it left a mark on my mother. Memaw could be extremely critical of people, very dismissive and after awhile I would have to get up and leave the room just to clear my head. I just didn't want to be near that. Now by nature I'm not a submissive person--I'm a warrior and I'm sure I get that from her. But the incessant negativity was truly bothersome--I'm just not a fatalistic or pessimistic person although genetics has blessed me with a predisposition toward depression. I thank God that I was born with the father I have, because he taught all of us (my brothers and me) the coping mechanism of humor.
I've been through some pretty stressful situations and I'll respond in a variety of ways--rationalization, discussion, attempts to solve the problems. But one rather delightful side effect of extreme stress is how funny I suddenly find things. I remember during the first week of my ship contract (that is, the first week after we'd signed on and were rehearsing or performing easily 12+ hours a day). Preston STILL couldn't get one step right and Aly flipped out and yelled "it's step-DRAG, Preston! Step-DRAG, it's so fucking simple!" And she proceeded to execute this simple step, dragging her right foot around her in a circle and looking fucking HILARIOUS. She looked like the village idiot--I'm giggling even now, thinking about it. I also remember after a month of basically starving (because we couldn't keep food in our rooms, and there was no food to be had after the shows, and of course nobody's going to eat much right before two big dance shows at 8:30 and 10)--I remember lying in bed and starting to giggle a little hysterically and Gillian, my roommate, asking me what was up. I said "Gillian--when did I sign up for fat camp?" This too is making me laugh even now. We THOUGHT we'd signed a cruise ship contract, but REALLY it was MTV's "Fat Camp"--hijinks on the high seas as Clara and her friends struggle to maintain a normal weight as they dance, dance, dance! Anchors aweigh!
As a coda, Preston--who was INSANELY negative, he once gave us a note saying "we all sucked"--ended up getting fired fairly quickly. He really didn't want to be there and pretty much sabotaged himself--he got caught banging a passenger in his cabin (two fireable offenses right there).
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-08-14 10:51 am (UTC)Later, they were given a type of vocabulary test, where they had to fill in missing letters in a series of words. The people made to cool down came up with words like: star, chore, rope. The people who were allowed to vent came up with: stab, choke, rape.
Possible conclusion: your state of mind follows your bodily actions.
no subject
Date: 2007-08-14 04:14 pm (UTC)