Etiquette Hell, via Miss Manners

[ceebeegee]

Dear Miss Manners:

Please help my friend see how rude and wrong she has been.

Jean's husband went blind from an illness. She was wonderful in the situation. She always wore perfume since he couldn't see her. Arranged the house for his convenience. She read the paper to him every day and they did the puzzle together.

When he died, I knew she would be perfect for a male friend of mine who is also blind. She overreacted and said she would never go through that again. She had let her appearance go since he couldn't see her, and she liked to read the paper to herself.

But taking care of her husband brought out the best in her, and that is when people are really happy. So I invited my blind friend over to try Jean's home cooking. She is really a spectacular cook. I brought all the ingredients and then invited Jean over. When she arrived and found Zachary here, she said, "Oh, no" and walked out.

How do you think that made him feel? My husband and myself had made plans to go out so they could be alone, so we had to ask Zachary to leave.

When I scolded Jean the next day, she jumped on me for making him go home alone and without any dinner. She claims Zachary was our guest, not hers. But we invited him for her because they would be good for each other. Now she won't talk to me at all.

Why is it that those who try to make the world a better place end up unappreciated?

Could it be because they have no compunction about grossly insulting and humiliating their guests under the guise of doing them explicitly unwelcome favors?

Miss Manners can hardly count the etiquette atrocities you committed. She tries to remind herself that you meant well, but frankly she can't manage it. If you had given your friends' feelings any thought at all, you would never have done this.

You attempted to trap a guest into a blind date she wished to avoid and into cooking dinner when you had invited her.

You led another guest to believe his company would be welcome when you knew it was not, and you threw him out of the house hungry.

Worst of all, you made it clear to supposed friends that the outstanding characteristic of one was his blindness, and of the other her sacrifices--discounting that they were done for love of her husband rather than a love of sacrifice--so it didn't matter whether they really had anything in common.

And you call them unappreciative?

My Southern WASPy head is just spinning from all the tackiness. Asking someone over and then making them cook? I never even heard of such tackiness.

Go with the smackdown, MM.

Comments

[dje2004.livejournal.com]

I have to agree. This was pretty horrifying.

[camussaysthecow.livejournal.com]

This is crazy talk.

[king-duncan.livejournal.com]

Blind date, indeed.

[foulpost.livejournal.com]

This was a little too entertaining a read. I can not believe that anyone would have the social retardation to pull this off. Makes me think this isn't real.

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

I thought about that too--but I think it's sincere, because of the names. Jean sounds like someone who actually exists--if they were making it up, I think they might've chosen a funnier name, like Mildred or something.

[kellygirlnyc.livejournal.com]

How wrong and bad on soooooo many levels. I agree with you about the invitation over and asking the guest to cook. That is bullshit. If I went to someone's house, and they said, here, here are some ingredients and a recipe, and a person you don't know, we're leaving.

I would be, like, ummm, no, and walk out, too. That is positively audacious.

[alexlady.livejournal.com]

omigod, and then having the NERVE to write anonymously to a column about it? what an effrontory. why couldn't they have at least taken the poor fricking guy out to dinner with them??? this sounds like an Onion article. what a stupid, horrible person.