WEIRD

Last week I got an email from a stranger, saying:

Subject: Kismet?

Hi there,

I was reading a blog from a while back and I believe you had posted something about wanting to play Lalume?  Kismet is one of my all time  favorite plays and I'm even trying to get my school to do it.

I was just wondering if you ever got to play that part?  If not, what's the closest you've come to playing a "Lalume" type?  I love that  character too, lol

Hope to hear from you.

Tiffany

I don't know this person and was wondering how they got my email address, so I didn't reply.  About five days later I get another email:

Hi again,

Sent a message a while back, but never got a reply.  Wondering if you got it?


So I google her name and her email address, and come across this online on a comic book forum):

Okay, please go easy on me as I'm a "newb" to this site and pretty much to comics in general. But I was hoping I could ask this forum for help.

I'm looking for a scene from a comic book (any comic) of a girl (like a queen or princess or whatever) being carried on one of those beautiful carriage things. (like what Cleopatra would travel on) I remember seeing one a few years ago when I was in middle school and some kid brought one to class, but for the life of me, can't remember which one.

Anyway, if anyone is able to show me a picture from any comic they know of (or heck, even video if one exists) where a girl is carried on one of those. The only one I've tried finding so far was like Poision Ivy from Batman. I can see her being the type that would have her minions carrying her around on one of those, but no luck finding anything.

Hope to hear from anyone of you.

Best Wishes.

Tiffany

I decide she's probably harmless, and if it's a young person, I like mentoring them, so I write back:

Yes, I've always wanted to play Lalume--but where did you read this?  Do we know someone in common?  Sorry, I just don't recognize your name and my personal blog doesn't have that many readers.  But yes, I love Lalume--I likely will never play it since I am not a mezzo.  I could hit the notes (and I certainly could act the role!) but Marsinah is closer to my voice.  Probably the most similar role I've played to Lalume is Hortense in The Boyfriend--also a very fun sexy role.

She replies:

Oh, I was doing a google search of "Lalume" and "Kismet" and it must have pulled your blog up as a result.

So, have you ever played a part where you were like a queen or princess being carried on one of those beautiful carriage things, or doing something snobby like being fanned and fed grapes? lol

I love roles like that. I know Lalume does it in Kismet and Princess Barbara in Apple Tree.

?????  And now this is starting to ring a bell--it takes me a day or two but I think I finally remember--I think she contacted me through YouTube.  So today I go onto YouTube on my iPad and laboriously search through ALL of the emails I've received...and finally come across this from 2 years ago:

Hi there,

Got kinda dumb question for you.  In the version of "Funny Thing Forum" you did, was there a scene where a girl (like a queen or princess or whatever) was carried on or off stage on one of those 'lounge chaise / carriage' things?

I don't know how I replied (can't access my YouTube outbox on my iPad) but she replied to my reply, saying:

Oh, I see,  Ya, I love that play too.  So, do you happen to have any scenes where someone is making their entrance like that?  I love big entrances where a girl is being carried over one of those things.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Look, I'll be honest--after The Fungus I have ZERO tolerance for the crazy.  Stop fucking emailing me and stop pestering people about what seems like a fetish!  I don't care.  You're creeping me the fuck out.

And anyone whose writing tics include "lol" will never get respect from me.

This is so effed up, I don't know where to begin...

...Former 3-time Olympian, Motivational Speaker and Generally Incredibly Successful Person Outed as a Vegas Escort.

As in...recently!  She was doing this this past year! "Beginning last December..."

My mind is whirring--this reads like an Onion article.  A three-time U.S. Olympian whose illustrious running career has included a Nike TV commercial, a swimsuit calendar, and ongoing promotional work for Disney has spent the last year doubling as a $600-an-hour call girl, an astounding secret life that she now regretfully calls a “huge mistake.  YA THINK.

Favor Hamilton expressed concern that her story would be “sensationalized” by a reporter. It is hard, though, to imagine how that could occur. [The snark factor is strong with the TSG article.] The actual events of the ex-Olympian's past year already seem like the fever dreams of a Lifetime producer who decided to adapt Luis Bunuel’s “Belle de Jour” for basic cable.

Aside from the complete what-the-flying-FUCK factor....she sounds emotionally ill.  Depression apparently runs in her family (her brother committed suicide) and she herself suffered from post-partum depression.  A lot of what she says sounds not just naive but numb.