The Hardy Boys

I've been watching a much-loved series from my childhood, The Hardy Boys with Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson. I loved this show, and watched it faithfully for two good reasons--I was a huge Hardy Boys fan (that is, of the books--my older brother always got them for Xmas and then I'd snitch them. I read all of them through like, #78). And I also loved Shaun Cassidy. You can imagine my delirium when he was cast in this show. I remember it as being rather funny, with lots of smartass wisecracks between the two boys, and less "upright" and Dudley Do-Right than the books.* It actually holds up rather well--I'm very impressed with how well the boys dress much of the time with those quintessential tight turtlenecks and loose "man blouses" paired with incredibly tight pants. My God, I can practically tell what religion the actors are. I love the title sequence--it's spooky as hell with these shadowy clips of the Boys and Nancy Drew running, looking for something, and there's this maze graphic in the back, and great thpoooo-ky music. It's just cheesy good fun. And Shaun actually does a decent job with the acting. (Parker's a little stiff but then Joe was always supposed to have more personality than Frank.) He isn't given much meat but he has a lot of subtext going on. It's cute.

(There's one hilarious scene in the pilot episode, when Joe and Frank burst into their father's office in their house in the middle of the night, interrupting two prowlers. Frank takes off after them on his motorcycle, in his underwear. Boxers and a tank top--no helmet, no leather jacket, no jeans, no boots covering his ankles--he would NOT get the MSF Seal of Approval!)

There was an episode that I remember that always stuck with me--something about Joe waking up in a hospital and he's told his family was killed in a car accident or something a year ago, and he's the only one who survived. He believes this until he sniffs his sleeve and smells perfume--perfume he remembers being spilled on his sleeve the day before the accident. This is how he knows the timeline is off--it couldn't have been a year since the accident because the smell would've worn off. I just thought the whole thing was so cool.

*The books of course were written over 50 years or so--the first ones came out in the '20s and then they revised them starting in the '50s. The original books were much better, SO much more personality, than the revisions which were a little bland. (And the cover art in the revisions--ick! They did not look hot at all with their crew cuts and windbreakers.) As the Boys entered the '60s their adventures started getting a lot more Bond-esque--they were working with Interpol and going to Europe and whatnot, and then they got quite exciting in the '70s, with occult mysteries and some stylin' fashions. (The cover art improved as well--they looked rather hot.) I stopped reading them in the 7th grade, which was a little while before they started a whole new series--Hardy Boys Casefiles, where Joe's longtime girlfriend, Iola Morton, gets blown up in the first volume. The old ones NEVER had any violence like that. I think there might've been a gun or two (only the bad guys had them--Joe and Frank would never touch guns) and the Boys were always getting belted on the head and knocked out (shit, that happened AT LEAST once a book--it's a wonder they didn't have brain damage by volume 50) but nobody got blown up.

( Here's an hilarious retake on an infamously bad HB volume, <i>The Disappearing Floor</i>: )

The Edmund Fitzgerald sank 30 years ago yesterday

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
The lake, it is said, never gives up her dead
When the skies of November turn gloomy.

With a load of iron ore - 26,000 tons more
Than the Edmund Fitzgerald weighed empty
That good ship and true was a bone to be chewed
When the gales of November came early

The ship was the pride of the American side
Coming back from some mill in Wisconson
As the big freighters go it was bigger than most
With a crew and the Captain well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a couple of steel firms
When they left fully loaded for Cleveland
And later that night when the ships bell rang
Could it be the North Wind they'd been feeling.

The wind in the wires made a tattletale sound
And a wave broke over the railing
And every man knew, as the Captain did, too,
T'was the witch of November come stealing.

The dawn came late and the breakfast had to wait
When the gales of November came slashing
When afternoon came it was freezing rain
In the face of a hurricane West Wind

When supper time came the old cook came on deck
Saying fellows it's too rough to feed ya
At 7PM a main hatchway caved in
He said fellas it's been good to know ya.

The Captain wired in he had water coming in
And the good ship and crew was in peril
And later that night when his lights went out of sight
Came the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
When the words turn the minutes to hours
The searchers all say they'd have made Whitefish Bay
If they'd fifteen more miles behind her.

They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
And all that remains is the faces and the names
Of the wives and the sons and the daughters.

Lake Huron rolls, Superior sings
In the ruins of her ice water mansion
Old Michigan steams like a young man's dreams,
The islands and bays are for sportsmen.

And farther below Lake Ontario
Takes in what Lake Erie can send her
And the iron boats go as the mariners all know
With the gales of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Maritime Sailors' Cathedral
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
For each man on the Edmund Fitzgerald.

The legend lives on from the Chippewa on down
Of the big lake they call Gitche Gumee
Superior, they say, never gives up her dead
When the gales of November come early.