The Hardy Boys
Nov. 11th, 2005 10:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ceebeegeeI've been watching a much-loved series from my childhood, The Hardy Boys with Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson. I loved this show, and watched it faithfully for two good reasons--I was a huge Hardy Boys fan (that is, of the books--my older brother always got them for Xmas and then I'd snitch them. I read all of them through like, #78). And I also loved Shaun Cassidy. You can imagine my delirium when he was cast in this show. I remember it as being rather funny, with lots of smartass wisecracks between the two boys, and less "upright" and Dudley Do-Right than the books.* It actually holds up rather well--I'm very impressed with how well the boys dress much of the time with those quintessential tight turtlenecks and loose "man blouses" paired with incredibly tight pants. My God, I can practically tell what religion the actors are. I love the title sequence--it's spooky as hell with these shadowy clips of the Boys and Nancy Drew running, looking for something, and there's this maze graphic in the back, and great thpoooo-ky music. It's just cheesy good fun. And Shaun actually does a decent job with the acting. (Parker's a little stiff but then Joe was always supposed to have more personality than Frank.) He isn't given much meat but he has a lot of subtext going on. It's cute.
(There's one hilarious scene in the pilot episode, when Joe and Frank burst into their father's office in their house in the middle of the night, interrupting two prowlers. Frank takes off after them on his motorcycle, in his underwear. Boxers and a tank top--no helmet, no leather jacket, no jeans, no boots covering his ankles--he would NOT get the MSF Seal of Approval!)
There was an episode that I remember that always stuck with me--something about Joe waking up in a hospital and he's told his family was killed in a car accident or something a year ago, and he's the only one who survived. He believes this until he sniffs his sleeve and smells perfume--perfume he remembers being spilled on his sleeve the day before the accident. This is how he knows the timeline is off--it couldn't have been a year since the accident because the smell would've worn off. I just thought the whole thing was so cool.
*The books of course were written over 50 years or so--the first ones came out in the '20s and then they revised them starting in the '50s. The original books were much better, SO much more personality, than the revisions which were a little bland. (And the cover art in the revisions--ick! They did not look hot at all with their crew cuts and windbreakers.) As the Boys entered the '60s their adventures started getting a lot more Bond-esque--they were working with Interpol and going to Europe and whatnot, and then they got quite exciting in the '70s, with occult mysteries and some stylin' fashions. (The cover art improved as well--they looked rather hot.) I stopped reading them in the 7th grade, which was a little while before they started a whole new series--Hardy Boys Casefiles, where Joe's longtime girlfriend, Iola Morton, gets blown up in the first volume. The old ones NEVER had any violence like that. I think there might've been a gun or two (only the bad guys had them--Joe and Frank would never touch guns) and the Boys were always getting belted on the head and knocked out (shit, that happened AT LEAST once a book--it's a wonder they didn't have brain damage by volume 50) but nobody got blown up.
Dark-haired Frank Hardy and his blond brother Joe sat around the campfire, along with their chubby friend Chet.
"Enough camping, fellows," groaned Chet. "When do we eat?"
Frank and Joe exchanged amused glances. Chet's tragic eating disorder and the resulting morbid obesity were a reliable source of humor for the two brothers.
"Say, look at this, fellows," Joe interjected." I just found this old envelope with the name 'Harry Tanwick' written on it. And there's a hundred dollar bill inside!"
"I wonder who Harry Tanwick could be," pondered Frank.
"Maybe that's him over there!" shrieked Chet, and the three ran into the darkness after a shadowy figure.
As the trio charged into the pitch-black wilderness, they suddenly fell headlong through a hole into an equally dark cave. They were now trapped!
"Well, this is quite a pickle, I must say," observed Joe.
"Still, we seem remarkably fit for having fallen twenty feet onto solid rock," countered Frank.
"I'm still hungry," grumbled Chet.
"Hello, boys," greeted Fenton Hardy, the boys' famous father. "I figured I might run into you here in this desolate cave in the middle of nowhere at four in the morning. By the way, you haven't seen Duke Beeson, the bank robber, have you?"
"No," replied Frank. "But I just noticed that's there's a canvas bag with $82,000 in coins sitting here at my feet!"
"Well, bring it along," directed Mr. Hardy. "After all, how much could $82,000 in coins weigh? I want you boys to take his bag cross-country to the Wayne County Bank. I realize you have no transportation, and are completely unfamiliar with the area, not to mention the fact that desperate criminals will be tracking you down, but what could go wrong?"
(EDITOR'S NOTE: $82,000 in silver coins weighs almost 4,800 pounds. In silver dollars, it would form a stack about 550 feet tall. If those dollars were laid edge to edge, they would form a line about 2 miles long.)
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"Say, Frank," whispered Joe, "isn't this taxi driver driving a bit erratically?"
"I should say so!" confirmed Frank.
Thoroughly familiar with what to do in this situation, Frank suddenly lunged forward and threw a chokehold on the vehicle's driver. Despite this prudent measure, the taxi swerved out of control and plunged into the dark, icy water. Frank, Joe and Chet narrowly escaped a watery death, swimming to the surface, while clutching the canvas bag containing $82,000 in coins.
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"You boys did a fine job," congratulated Fenton Hardy, after his sons had once again randomly stumbled upon him. "The whole operation went off without a hitch."
"Except for our sending a taxi off a bridge and almost drowning," added Joe.
"Well, yes," agreed the detective.
"And that crazed mob that attacked us," offered Frank. "And that we had to resort to a railroad handcar for transportation," mentioned Chet. "And then--"
"In any case," interrupted Mr. Hardy, "I want you to return to Beeson's cave hideout yet again."
"But we've recovered the money already," Joe pointed out.
"And Beeson's men have already caught us in there --twice-- and threatened us each time," recounted Frank.
"Yes, boys, but did you realize that one of Beeson's men is named Louie Butt?"
Frank and Joe exchanged meaningful looks. Their father had a good point. Someone with a name like that had to be up to no good. No butts about it.
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The next time that the boys randomly bumped into their father, he was moving at high speed, since an escaped tiger was pursuing him. Fortunately, Joe knew well that the surest way to fell a charging tiger was to bounce a sharp rock off its head.
Quickly abandoning their badly mauled father to the medical authorities, Frank and Joe continued to pursue Duke Beeson. Soon they caught up with him, at which point he effortlessly captured the two brothers.
"Where we takin' these two punks, Boss?" inquired the gruff henchman.
"To Eban Adar's house," grunted Beeson, who was now dressed as an Indian prince, for reasons we need not go into.
Frank and Joe exchanged glances again. Eban Adar was Aunt Gertrude's oddball acquaintance from her school days.
"Thank goodness," thought Frank. "We'd gone almost ten minutes without a fantastic coincidence."
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"So you see," Joe announced triumphantly, "Beeson's cave has a disappearable floor! Just turn that switch and the floor lowers to reveal additional rooms below where the remaining loot is stashed!"
"Amazing!" Frank gushed. "And no one knew about it except Beeson, his gang, the team of engineers who designed and manufactured the hydraulics, the contractors who installed them, the electric company who ran out the high voltage power lines to a cave, miles out in the woods..."
"Yes," Joe chimed in, "it was well-kept secret." ...
(There's one hilarious scene in the pilot episode, when Joe and Frank burst into their father's office in their house in the middle of the night, interrupting two prowlers. Frank takes off after them on his motorcycle, in his underwear. Boxers and a tank top--no helmet, no leather jacket, no jeans, no boots covering his ankles--he would NOT get the MSF Seal of Approval!)
There was an episode that I remember that always stuck with me--something about Joe waking up in a hospital and he's told his family was killed in a car accident or something a year ago, and he's the only one who survived. He believes this until he sniffs his sleeve and smells perfume--perfume he remembers being spilled on his sleeve the day before the accident. This is how he knows the timeline is off--it couldn't have been a year since the accident because the smell would've worn off. I just thought the whole thing was so cool.
*The books of course were written over 50 years or so--the first ones came out in the '20s and then they revised them starting in the '50s. The original books were much better, SO much more personality, than the revisions which were a little bland. (And the cover art in the revisions--ick! They did not look hot at all with their crew cuts and windbreakers.) As the Boys entered the '60s their adventures started getting a lot more Bond-esque--they were working with Interpol and going to Europe and whatnot, and then they got quite exciting in the '70s, with occult mysteries and some stylin' fashions. (The cover art improved as well--they looked rather hot.) I stopped reading them in the 7th grade, which was a little while before they started a whole new series--Hardy Boys Casefiles, where Joe's longtime girlfriend, Iola Morton, gets blown up in the first volume. The old ones NEVER had any violence like that. I think there might've been a gun or two (only the bad guys had them--Joe and Frank would never touch guns) and the Boys were always getting belted on the head and knocked out (shit, that happened AT LEAST once a book--it's a wonder they didn't have brain damage by volume 50) but nobody got blown up.
Dark-haired Frank Hardy and his blond brother Joe sat around the campfire, along with their chubby friend Chet.
"Enough camping, fellows," groaned Chet. "When do we eat?"
Frank and Joe exchanged amused glances. Chet's tragic eating disorder and the resulting morbid obesity were a reliable source of humor for the two brothers.
"Say, look at this, fellows," Joe interjected." I just found this old envelope with the name 'Harry Tanwick' written on it. And there's a hundred dollar bill inside!"
"I wonder who Harry Tanwick could be," pondered Frank.
"Maybe that's him over there!" shrieked Chet, and the three ran into the darkness after a shadowy figure.
As the trio charged into the pitch-black wilderness, they suddenly fell headlong through a hole into an equally dark cave. They were now trapped!
"Well, this is quite a pickle, I must say," observed Joe.
"Still, we seem remarkably fit for having fallen twenty feet onto solid rock," countered Frank.
"I'm still hungry," grumbled Chet.
"Hello, boys," greeted Fenton Hardy, the boys' famous father. "I figured I might run into you here in this desolate cave in the middle of nowhere at four in the morning. By the way, you haven't seen Duke Beeson, the bank robber, have you?"
"No," replied Frank. "But I just noticed that's there's a canvas bag with $82,000 in coins sitting here at my feet!"
"Well, bring it along," directed Mr. Hardy. "After all, how much could $82,000 in coins weigh? I want you boys to take his bag cross-country to the Wayne County Bank. I realize you have no transportation, and are completely unfamiliar with the area, not to mention the fact that desperate criminals will be tracking you down, but what could go wrong?"
(EDITOR'S NOTE: $82,000 in silver coins weighs almost 4,800 pounds. In silver dollars, it would form a stack about 550 feet tall. If those dollars were laid edge to edge, they would form a line about 2 miles long.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Say, Frank," whispered Joe, "isn't this taxi driver driving a bit erratically?"
"I should say so!" confirmed Frank.
Thoroughly familiar with what to do in this situation, Frank suddenly lunged forward and threw a chokehold on the vehicle's driver. Despite this prudent measure, the taxi swerved out of control and plunged into the dark, icy water. Frank, Joe and Chet narrowly escaped a watery death, swimming to the surface, while clutching the canvas bag containing $82,000 in coins.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You boys did a fine job," congratulated Fenton Hardy, after his sons had once again randomly stumbled upon him. "The whole operation went off without a hitch."
"Except for our sending a taxi off a bridge and almost drowning," added Joe.
"Well, yes," agreed the detective.
"And that crazed mob that attacked us," offered Frank. "And that we had to resort to a railroad handcar for transportation," mentioned Chet. "And then--"
"In any case," interrupted Mr. Hardy, "I want you to return to Beeson's cave hideout yet again."
"But we've recovered the money already," Joe pointed out.
"And Beeson's men have already caught us in there --twice-- and threatened us each time," recounted Frank.
"Yes, boys, but did you realize that one of Beeson's men is named Louie Butt?"
Frank and Joe exchanged meaningful looks. Their father had a good point. Someone with a name like that had to be up to no good. No butts about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next time that the boys randomly bumped into their father, he was moving at high speed, since an escaped tiger was pursuing him. Fortunately, Joe knew well that the surest way to fell a charging tiger was to bounce a sharp rock off its head.
Quickly abandoning their badly mauled father to the medical authorities, Frank and Joe continued to pursue Duke Beeson. Soon they caught up with him, at which point he effortlessly captured the two brothers.
"Where we takin' these two punks, Boss?" inquired the gruff henchman.
"To Eban Adar's house," grunted Beeson, who was now dressed as an Indian prince, for reasons we need not go into.
Frank and Joe exchanged glances again. Eban Adar was Aunt Gertrude's oddball acquaintance from her school days.
"Thank goodness," thought Frank. "We'd gone almost ten minutes without a fantastic coincidence."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"So you see," Joe announced triumphantly, "Beeson's cave has a disappearable floor! Just turn that switch and the floor lowers to reveal additional rooms below where the remaining loot is stashed!"
"Amazing!" Frank gushed. "And no one knew about it except Beeson, his gang, the team of engineers who designed and manufactured the hydraulics, the contractors who installed them, the electric company who ran out the high voltage power lines to a cave, miles out in the woods..."
"Yes," Joe chimed in, "it was well-kept secret." ...
