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Greedygrabbygrubbers
Sep. 19th, 2003 11:05 amYesterday in Slate, their advice columnist responded, again, to the question of whether a bridal couple should ask for money.
Oh my God. I can't begin to say how completely tacky I think it is to ask for anything, much less money. I just shudder. I know many people give money which bothers me enough because it puts a financial value on what you're giving, in addition to making people who can't afford to give much feel like shit, because of course the couple are going to notice right away who gave more, and less. But to ask? To expect it? I don't have a problem with gift registries as long as they're discreet--not included with the wedding invitations. But money? Too, too tacky. Why don't I just skip the wedding entirely and send a check? That's what you really want, isn't it? I remember one snotty bride writing in to Carolyn Hax saying "if you're invited you have to send a gift, even if you don't go." You have to send a gift? Fuck off, greedy person. Get your hands out of other people's wallets.
This was great:
Good thing times have changed. Most ethnic traditions include monetary gifts at a wedding. In fact, any other type of gift is out of the norm. "Physical" gifts are usually presented by the family IN ADDITION to a monetary gift. I come from an upper middle-class, well-educated family, and we have never gone to a wedding that has not been this way.
Um, not my ethnic tradition. People in the South would faint if people asked for money. And justifying something by claiming to be from an "upper middle-class, well-educated family" is pretty transparent--your argument should speak for itself. My family would disown me if I asked for money at my wedding. And if we're going to get snotty, my family is descended from a Signer. "Times have changed..."--the standard for every attempt to hijack etiquette to suit your own urges.
This was the best:
So they think it's "tacky" to ask for money? Well, we think it's worse to make people spend precious time getting gifts we don't need or want.
You're right! You're so right! So rather than impose, how about telling your guests no gifts are needed at all? Oh but wait, that would cut into your "take." And I love the reasoning of "we're older, we have everything we need already." Bingo. So, you don't NEED anything. Why are you asking for something then? Or rather, expecting anything? What is it about weddings that turn some people into grabbing, entitlement-minded monsters? Ugh. Just UGH.
Oh my God. I can't begin to say how completely tacky I think it is to ask for anything, much less money. I just shudder. I know many people give money which bothers me enough because it puts a financial value on what you're giving, in addition to making people who can't afford to give much feel like shit, because of course the couple are going to notice right away who gave more, and less. But to ask? To expect it? I don't have a problem with gift registries as long as they're discreet--not included with the wedding invitations. But money? Too, too tacky. Why don't I just skip the wedding entirely and send a check? That's what you really want, isn't it? I remember one snotty bride writing in to Carolyn Hax saying "if you're invited you have to send a gift, even if you don't go." You have to send a gift? Fuck off, greedy person. Get your hands out of other people's wallets.
This was great:
Good thing times have changed. Most ethnic traditions include monetary gifts at a wedding. In fact, any other type of gift is out of the norm. "Physical" gifts are usually presented by the family IN ADDITION to a monetary gift. I come from an upper middle-class, well-educated family, and we have never gone to a wedding that has not been this way.
Um, not my ethnic tradition. People in the South would faint if people asked for money. And justifying something by claiming to be from an "upper middle-class, well-educated family" is pretty transparent--your argument should speak for itself. My family would disown me if I asked for money at my wedding. And if we're going to get snotty, my family is descended from a Signer. "Times have changed..."--the standard for every attempt to hijack etiquette to suit your own urges.
This was the best:
So they think it's "tacky" to ask for money? Well, we think it's worse to make people spend precious time getting gifts we don't need or want.
You're right! You're so right! So rather than impose, how about telling your guests no gifts are needed at all? Oh but wait, that would cut into your "take." And I love the reasoning of "we're older, we have everything we need already." Bingo. So, you don't NEED anything. Why are you asking for something then? Or rather, expecting anything? What is it about weddings that turn some people into grabbing, entitlement-minded monsters? Ugh. Just UGH.
