Sly Fox and conversation with Abby

[ceebeegee]

I saw Abby last Thursday (I wrote about this last Friday in one of the posts that LJ spiked)--we saw Sly Fox and then went out for something to eat. SF was pretty good, pretty enjoyable--I commented that it seemed very Moliere-esque (with the clever servant and dumb virginal wife, etc. archetypes) before I realized that it was an update of Ben Jonson's Volpone. Richard Dreyfus was excellent--I love watching how he enjoys acting. Peter Scolari (in Bronson Pinchot's role as the lawyer) and Bob Dishy were excellent. I also really liked the guy who played the Chief of Police (the role Scolari normally plays). Abby liked the guy who played the Judge and was wondering why he didn't take a bow--when I told her Dreyfus had also played that role, she was shocked. "Oh my God! I had no idea! I was thinking he should understudy Fox because he really had Dreyfus's voice and mannerisms down..." Hee!

Afterward we ate a late dinner at Hana Sushi. We had an interesting discussion about men and relationships. Abby is bolder than I am--she will go after a guy much more than I will, and openly ask guys out.

I told her when I've done that it's backfired--you run the risk of the guy reacting like Groucho Marx: "I wouldn't want to be a member of a club that would have me." IOW, he has such an inferiority complex, that even if he's interested in you (and the few times I asked a guy out, it was clear he was interested in me)--if you express an interest in him, there must be something wrong with you. It's maddening.

Besides, self-confidence (true self-confidence--that is, a true self-worth as opposed to obnoxiousness or bravado) is a big aphrodisiac. Very compelling. I've dated a number of guys to whom I wasn't attracted at first--but they were sure enough of themselves not to mind my initial disinterest, they just persisted. After awhile, you start looking at them differently.

Intelligence and talent are also aphrodisiacs, because you're forced to see that person, to notice them--I guess you could say you respect them more. And conversely I find it attractive when a guy really sees me--takes the time to listen to me and think about his responses to what I'm saying, as opposed to posturing. And of course a sense of humor is essential, as long as it's not a cover for more direct talk.

Gentleness. Gentleness, and tenderness, will seal the deal. A strong man is not afraid to be weak.

And just on a personal note--I like a guy who'll stand up for me. For the most part I can take care of myself--I feel very empowered and can defend my stances, etc. But every now and then a strange guy just does something shitty or caddish to you, and that's when a man steps in. Eg.--one time Tim and I were at Wicked Wolf talking about something (can't remember what) and this guy next to me offered an opinion, although he wasn't part of our conversation. But, you know, we're sitting at a bar so it was fine. I replied to the guy, something that basically agreed with him--and he said "what makes you think I'm interested in your opinion?" I literally couldn't reply. And then he followed it up with comments about pushy women and people who always have to offer their opinion...As you can imagine I was stunned. I finally said "Are you trying to be rude? We were sitting here talking and you jumped in..." The guy was trying to shut me up and I got pretty upset and asked Tim to take me home. And he wouldn't. He said I shouldn't make a big deal out of it, and why should we have to leave because this guy was a drunken asshole? That would've been fine if he'd actually DEFENDED me--if he'd said something to the guy in no uncertain terms. But he didn't, except a tepid "maybe you'd better be quiet now." Gee, you really have my back there, huh?

Then there was the time Joe and I were in Europe at a party, and a friend of Sal's made a really gross pass at me. I fled and told Joe, who, again, told me not to make a big deal out of it. Dude. A guy is macking on your girlfriend. You're supposed to be a little more pissed off.

My White Knight
Not a Lancelot, nor an angel with wings
Just someone to love me
Who is not ashamed of a few nice things...

Comments

[wonderpanther.livejournal.com]

I really like it when guys stand up for me...not in the condescending way but I like it when I feel that someone has my back. I was at a Counting Crows concert and this totally stoned and drunk woman tried to ash the guy next to her (they were fighting) and ending up ashing me. I was really pissed and yelled at her. She turned to yell back and my brother, who took me to the concert, stood tall behind me as if to say, "I have your back." He is a real gentleman, my brother.

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

Exactly. I don't want a guy to get in a fight for me--in fact, that kind of behavior appalls me--but just, you know, have my back. Stick up for me, on the few times I need it.