Mad Men, "The Sword and the Chrysanthemum"

[ceebeegee]

Last night I went over to Tesse's for our weekly Mad Men date. Okay, Matthew Weiner? You need to stop writing Betty as misogyny-bait. I get tired of Betty doing something to her kids that is going to provoke a torrid flood of shitty comments about how horrible she is. I know, I know--the only good female characters in MM are Peggy and Joan. The quotient has been filled and all the others are: narcissistic bitches (Betty) (that's a direct quotation, BTW); stalkers (Suzanne Farrell), boring, superior and anachronistic (Dr. Faye Miller), stupid whores who should've known better than to expect the slightest consideration after getting boinked by the boss (Allison)...I know I should just accept the conventional fan wisdom but I don't. All of these characters are real and dimensional--there are perhaps one or two unredeemably bad characters in my opinion on the show--Lee garner, Jr. (God, what a great villain, "puddid awn, Roguh!") and Duck, and even Duck has redeeming qualities, they're just not enough in my eyes. (I loathe--LOATHE--Duck because of what he did to Chauncey. I hate Duck more than I hate Joan's husband.) Betty is not a narcissistic bitch--she's a woman emerging from an extremely damaged and damaging marriage where her husband undermined her every chance he got. (And not because he's a horrible person but because Don is also damaged.)

And as I keep pointing out, things were different back then. Parents disciplined differently. Other people's parents even disciplined differently (season 1, when the neighbor smacks the kid who's not his who's running through the house at Sally's birthday party). Getting smacked in the face WAS a severe punishment but yes, it was done. As I posted on Facebook, I was smacked in the face by an aunt at a much younger age than Sally (I was about 5-6), and harder, and no one did anything about it--and that was in the '70s. (And my aunt was MUCH more physically imposing than Betty, she was at least three times my size, a very tall, athletic woman.) It may also be a WASP thing--as a cultural generalization, they're not particularly touchy-feely and they do discipline physically. I was also spanked, as were my brothers, and not just with the hand, I got the paddle. We also had our mouths washed out with soap. I have mixed feelings about all of this: for one thing, I gave my aunt a very wide berth after that and never forgot what she did. And I don't think parents should spank with objects (like a paddle or a belt). But I do think spanking on the butt, with a hand, is fine. (It goes without saying I obviously don't think other parents should have the right to physically discipline a child who's not theirs. On the other hand, feel free to step in and scold the child, if they need it--it takes a village.) Honestly I do not see the harm in that--the butt has a lot of fat which is why it's painful but doesn't do any damage. And I don't think I was scarred for life by having my mouth washed out either. I remember my parents (by that I mean my dad and stepmother) asking me after I became an adult about being spanked--I said of course I hated it. "So...?" "So I tried not to misbehave after that!" They both laughed.

ANYWAY. My point is that I really do see Don as being just as bad a parent in his own way--yes, he is more easy-going but he can be, because he is there less. Obviously he's there less now because of the divorce, but even before, during the marriage, he was:

*working all the time and skipping Thanksgiving (season 1)
*skipping out on his daughter's birthday party to go get drunk
*leaving family events to go hook up with Bobbie Barrett (the country club event)
*drunk-driving with Bobbie Barrett in the middle of the night
*flitting off to California for a month
*leaving the house so he can spend the night with his DAUGHTER'S TEACHER.

Even in this episode he had a date when the kids were there, and later on he admitted he had mixed feelings about being around them. Betty even tried to point this out to him in Season 2, how much more time she spends with them than he does, when she was getting frustrated with Bobby's behavior and said "you're not with them all day like I am." No, you're not, Don. And apparently you don't want to be any more than Betty does. Maybe if you were, you'd have as short a fuse as she does. It's very easy to be the Good Parent when you're never there--you have less time in which to make a mistake. And it's to Betty's credit that even after her horrible experiences with a psychiatrist in Season 1, she was able to listen to Henry's advice and see about getting one for Sally.

But can I ask, why was everyone SO upset about Sally's Adventures in Hair-Styling? Kids do that. Not only did I cut my little brother's hair (he had big fat blond curls all over his head, like Freddie Bobbsey and hated them. So I obligingly cut them off for him.) I also did the same thing to myself when I was in the 8th grade, cut my own bangs. (This is one time where my urgency to ACT did not pay off--huge mistake.) Either time, nobody punished me. Kids do this sort of thing.

Tesse and I were shocked at Roger's behavior toward the Honda executives but then I started thinking about it--if Roger really did fight in the Pacific theater during WWII, I think his hatred is more understandable. Yes, what Joan said is absolutely right--you fought to make the world a better place and now it is. Absolutely. But sometimes you can't let go of things so quickly. The Pacific theater was brutal. Read about the Bataan Death March sometime, it was horrible. Really, just heart-breaking, they would just behead weak prisoners, or any kind of prisoner, for no reason. Incredibly depressing. There's other stuff as well, like the Rape of Nanking.. It's absolutely to Japan's credit that they rejected their brutal militarism after the war (even to the point that the Japanese Constitution now prohibits war) but someone like Roger may not be able to let go of those feelings so easily. Anyway, I think he's entitled to them.

Comments

[wonderpanther.livejournal.com]

I do not really view the men on Mad Men as any less reprehensible than the women. Maybe that is too strong a word, but I think that everyone is flawed. Don Draper is certainly not a nice man quite a lot of time, but I think that he is perceived as a nice person because he is so charismatic and that is really kudos to John Hamm because Don must rely on his charm. Don's biggest asset is that he is likeable despite the fact that he is pretty awful a lot of the time. But if you look at all the things that he had done, that laundry list would make anyone less likeable. Betty is not all bad but certainly flawed and I think that the writing has explained pretty well why she struggles with being a decent parent. Her mother must have been a nightmare and her father we saw as quite difficult. I think that she genuinely loves her children and she is trying. I do not view her as evil, just flawed and at least making efforts.

I saw Allison as very much the victim in her storyline, Don even knew that he was completely out of line and it seems that incident affected him and was a good wakeup call. I also view Faye almost as a female version of Don. Certainly she is not cheating on a husband (that we know of), but she does live an illusion at work, much like Don. I also like that she stands up to Don and like Joan, she is extremely competent at her job.

The men are pretty much boarish and inconsiderate alchoholics so I don't give them much credit at all. I think everyone gets a tough write on this show. I think it has to do with who you relate to as you watch and who you are willing to "forgive" so you can continue to be invested in that person's story.

I also think one of the best-portrayed characters on the show was a female, Rachel. But that is because I related to her and I could overlook her flaws.

[ceebeegee.livejournal.com]

I agree with all of this. And the thing about Allison was that it wasn't even as though she was pining after him, and originally she *wasn't* a victim, she had agency and wasn't forced or anything. It was the morning after, when he (and yes, I believe he meant well but still, completely stupid thing to do) made the worst gesture possible. As soon as he took out that envelope I was muttering "don't do it, don't do it, she's going to think you're paying her for services rendered--noooooooo!" And then months go by and he doesn't say ANYTHING about it. Oh, dude. THAT'S why she was the victim. Because he has all the power. She really has no way to address the situation, resolve it, and move on, because he's her boss and he's made it clear he doesn't want to talk about it.

I do not think the show Mad Men is misogynistic at all--it has too many great women characters, dimensional, well-written women, for me to think that. Nor do I think the show's portrayal of Men Acting Badly Towards Women indicates misogyny--the show does not endorse the behavior, and it shows the negative consequences thereof. That's the way things were back then, you can't whitewash history. But I do think a good proportion of the show's fans are misogynistic, or maybe it's just the online fans. There is way too much hatred towards so many of the female characters--the two exceptions being the designated Fierce Girls (Joan and Peggy)--for me to think otherwise. The vitriol toward Betty, the nastiness toward Suzanne Farrell--people were gleeful, cheering when she was left in the car all day during the confrontation between Don and Betty when she made him open the drawer. Fans "can't wait" until Henry "dumps" Betty. It's just really depressing. It's like The Sopranos--a lot of those fans missed what David Chase was trying to say, which is that these people are sociopathic murderers. They identified with the mafiosi. (No, not all fans, I'm not at all saying to like The Sopranos is to be an asshole--many of my friends like it for the right reasons.)

Although I will admit Rachel was pretty popular when she was on. (And yeah, she was great, I loved her. So smart, completely unafraid, and what a heart.) I guess they won't bring her back but I wish they would. She and Don were great together.) I probably take Betty criticism too much to heart, because she reminds me very much of my mother (although my mother and I are and were much closer than Sally and Betty). I don't mind people criticizing her--what bothers me is when people vilify her without also tearing into Don, whose parenting is pretty terrible as well, and also trying to consider why she is that way. She was so different in the first season--why has she changed? Because her marriage to Don rotted.