I was bullied throughout grade school and high school, and largely ignored in college until my senior year. I was (and still am, in some ways ways) socially inept and awkward, and quite the loner. And I was miserable, and (I hesitate to admit this) borderline suicidal (though never homicidal. That thought never occured to me-- God bless Quaker education!). The one thing that got me through was remembering what my family, therapists, and teachers all told me: "It will get better when you're older." And as I matured and watched how other people interacted, I learned better how to fit in, until I found the supportive circle of friends I had always wanted. It took time and effort, but it was worth the wait.
But some people can't adapt. Some people don't have family who listens to them, or teachers and therapists who offer sound advice. Adolesence sucks, and some people don't have the spine to suffer through it. I look at Seung-hui, Dylan and Eric and see what I might have become if I hadn't had supportive family and teachers, and if I didn't believe everyone who told me that things would get better.
I'm certainly not excusing them or their senseless violence, but I also don't think it's entirely fair to dismiss them, either. They were stupid and hostile and I have no respect for them at all... but somewhere deep down, I do have a small sliver of pity. Dylan and Eric were bullied until they broke. Columbine High School did nothing to stop the bullies. Seung-hui was clearly socio-or-psychopathic, with a good dose of paranoid schizophrenia thrown in. He should have been institutionalized years ago, or at the very least, expelled from the college when so many people complained about his behaviour. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but I'm quite disturbed by the lack of action on behalf of the parents and the schools to deal with the problematic students. There were warning signs everywhere, but nobody did anything to fix the problems before they boiled over.
One final side note: last week, I went to the social security office near my home to get a new card. While I sat and waited, I began talking with a mother and her overly energetic four-year-old son. When she was called up to the window, she asked if I would sit with the boy, and I gladly agreed. So we started chatting, and the boy eagerly told me that he wanted to go up to the office's security guard (who he believed was a policeman), steal his gun, kill him, and take his car. I was horrified, and told the little boy that this was a terrible thing to say. He argued, "But we have to kill him! He has a gun! He can shoot us!" The boy's mother looked over from the bullet-proof glass and said with a shrug and wry smile, "It's all those video games he plays." Apparently, the four-year-old was playing Grand Theft Auto, and learning quickly to steal and kill, and that policemen were the enemy. I'm terrified to think of what this boy does on his school's playground. Moral of story: careful the things you say. Children will listen.
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Date: 2007-04-19 03:00 pm (UTC)I was bullied throughout grade school and high school, and largely ignored in college until my senior year. I was (and still am, in some ways ways) socially inept and awkward, and quite the loner. And I was miserable, and (I hesitate to admit this) borderline suicidal (though never homicidal. That thought never occured to me-- God bless Quaker education!). The one thing that got me through was remembering what my family, therapists, and teachers all told me: "It will get better when you're older." And as I matured and watched how other people interacted, I learned better how to fit in, until I found the supportive circle of friends I had always wanted. It took time and effort, but it was worth the wait.
But some people can't adapt. Some people don't have family who listens to them, or teachers and therapists who offer sound advice. Adolesence sucks, and some people don't have the spine to suffer through it. I look at Seung-hui, Dylan and Eric and see what I might have become if I hadn't had supportive family and teachers, and if I didn't believe everyone who told me that things would get better.
I'm certainly not excusing them or their senseless violence, but I also don't think it's entirely fair to dismiss them, either. They were stupid and hostile and I have no respect for them at all... but somewhere deep down, I do have a small sliver of pity. Dylan and Eric were bullied until they broke. Columbine High School did nothing to stop the bullies. Seung-hui was clearly socio-or-psychopathic, with a good dose of paranoid schizophrenia thrown in. He should have been institutionalized years ago, or at the very least, expelled from the college when so many people complained about his behaviour. Hindsight is 20/20, of course, but I'm quite disturbed by the lack of action on behalf of the parents and the schools to deal with the problematic students. There were warning signs everywhere, but nobody did anything to fix the problems before they boiled over.
One final side note: last week, I went to the social security office near my home to get a new card. While I sat and waited, I began talking with a mother and her overly energetic four-year-old son. When she was called up to the window, she asked if I would sit with the boy, and I gladly agreed. So we started chatting, and the boy eagerly told me that he wanted to go up to the office's security guard (who he believed was a policeman), steal his gun, kill him, and take his car. I was horrified, and told the little boy that this was a terrible thing to say. He argued, "But we have to kill him! He has a gun! He can shoot us!" The boy's mother looked over from the bullet-proof glass and said with a shrug and wry smile, "It's all those video games he plays." Apparently, the four-year-old was playing Grand Theft Auto, and learning quickly to steal and kill, and that policemen were the enemy. I'm terrified to think of what this boy does on his school's playground. Moral of story: careful the things you say. Children will listen.