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Nice Guys
Thursday I was lugging home a bunch of bags--my purse, plus the L.L. Bean bag in which I normally carry, plus another couple of bags from shopping. As I entered the subway at Columbus Circle, I passed a guy with long dreads who was saying "Hey, Miss? Can I speak to you? Hey, Miss? Miss? I'd like to speak to you?" I just assumed he was taking a poll or something--he had that kind of "ultra-liberal volunteer" look to him (dreads, clean white tee-shirt)--and walked past him, intent on making it down the stairs with my four bags. As I walked past him, he started getting nastier--"have a nice day, miss [sarcastically]. Try to be a little nicer next time." This was all going in one ear and out the other--as I said, I had all these bags, so I wasn't really listening, and certainly didn't acknowledge him. He came to the railing to yell at me as I made my way down the stairs--"yeah, you could be a little nicer next time! It's rude to ignore people!" Astonished, I and about 4-5 other people turned our heads to look at this guy. I started laughing and just continued my way down to the turnstile. Dude--your game SU-UCKS. If that's how pissy you get when a complete stranger (in New York City, no less!) doesn't talk to you just because you decide YOU want her to, I can't even imagine how you are with a few drinks in you.
This brings me to my point--just because (you think) you're nice (and it's debatable about how "nice" it is to try to force your company on someone), doesn't mean the woman owes you whatever you want in return. Not a conversation, not acknowledgment--if you think she's attractive, it's possible other guys (or women! but I've never been harassed on the street by a lesbian :) do as well, and she may well be used to this. And more to the point, tired of it, even if it is "nice" as opposed to disgusting. Being nice or polite doesn't mean the woman has to stop and talk to you, much less anything else. She has agency, you know. And the whole "I'm nice, therefore I deserve..." Some guy posted on imdb "Why Do Good guys Never get Laid?" (yes, that was the actual title of his post on the message board) and I couldn't resist, I responded "because they whine about it?" Why do so-called Nice Guys have to advertise it? If you really want to be nice--i.e., decent, a mensch, a person who maintains a baseline level of courtesy--why not just do it because it's the nice thing to do? Instead of doing it so you can wave your Nice Guy flag and therefore get laid? Is it a tactic or is it who you really are?
This brings me to my point--just because (you think) you're nice (and it's debatable about how "nice" it is to try to force your company on someone), doesn't mean the woman owes you whatever you want in return. Not a conversation, not acknowledgment--if you think she's attractive, it's possible other guys (or women! but I've never been harassed on the street by a lesbian :) do as well, and she may well be used to this. And more to the point, tired of it, even if it is "nice" as opposed to disgusting. Being nice or polite doesn't mean the woman has to stop and talk to you, much less anything else. She has agency, you know. And the whole "I'm nice, therefore I deserve..." Some guy posted on imdb "Why Do Good guys Never get Laid?" (yes, that was the actual title of his post on the message board) and I couldn't resist, I responded "because they whine about it?" Why do so-called Nice Guys have to advertise it? If you really want to be nice--i.e., decent, a mensch, a person who maintains a baseline level of courtesy--why not just do it because it's the nice thing to do? Instead of doing it so you can wave your Nice Guy flag and therefore get laid? Is it a tactic or is it who you really are?
no subject
Because he's a Nice Guy, haven't you heard? Enormous chip on his shoulder notwithstanding.
I always want to say to these guys "see, now you've just proven to me I was right to ignore you, and have in fact reinforced my decison never to talk to strange men on the street."
no subject
I think you should say these things to punks like that.
Unfortunately, and you know this, any response to that reaction can be construed as encouragement and just give him an in to keep talking to you.
Logic doesn't even come into it at all.
no subject
Exactly.
Any good salesman knows ANY response is better than no response. Whereas if you just don't even hear them, they're not even worthy of a glance--that's much more insulting.