Susan did! Yeah, the whole thing was one big Fail. Very upset, I was. And she was oblivious. So, no more birthday dinners with her.
Re: Griffin: he has this weird, defensive resentment against guys who are more successful with women than he is. (And, I should point out, Griffin *is* successful--sort of. He's able to get dates and he definitely has sex. But he's not able to get girlfriends which is really what he wants--he wants a relationship.) Griffin sees that confident guy who's able to just make a move--go up and just start talking to her, pay her an outrageous compliment, kiss her without seeming warning*. And he thinks it's like this inalienable *right*--"if HE can do it, I should be allowed to. Otherwise it's not fair." He just doesn't get that it doesn't work that way--just because Approach A works with that guy, doesn't mean other women HAVE to allow you to approach as well. For another thing, those guys have a confidence which does kind of pave its own way--confidence smoothes a lot of those prickly edges. When a guy has a genuine smile on his face and is relaxed, it's just easier. It's uncomfortable when someone spouts one of their patented Self-Deprecating Jokes because you KNOW it's fake and he's feeling awkward. Also with confident guys, you know if you turn him down, he's not going to get weird.
Example: Tuesday night I had a late soccer game so I went over to the bar where the BF of my former roommate works--coincidentally she was there as well. We hadn't hung out in a few weeks so we sat down to talk over drinks. She knows G WELL; in fact, he introduced us. I was telling her about my annoyance with him and in the middle of our conversation, a guy comes over to us from the other side of the bar and says with this deadpan face "you know, when two women are sitting at a bar in a conversation, what they really need is a drunk guy to come over and talk to them." Well, this *was* genuinely hilarious--he immediately disarmed us. And it wasn't the material, really--it was his delivery. He wasn't *nervous,* it wasn't weird. We chatted for a few minutes and then subtly indicated we really just wanted to talk to each other and the dude got it immediately and backed off gracefully. Easy, breezy, done. I wish every strange guy who tried to chat me up were that smooth!
*I should mention he did this to ME once, the summer I first met him. He was in my show Romeo and Juliet and we'd been hanging out, going to a neighborhood bar. One night he leaned over and kissed me and no, we hadn't been flirting or close to it. I immediately froze up. The next day he emailed me about something else and I didn't reply and he texted me "did I really mess up last night?" I replied "nothing between us will ever happen. Here is why: I'm your boss [I was the producer], plus I'm playing a young male [Mercutio] who's your best friend and it's already difficult enough without messing with our dynamic on stage." I didn't add "...and I'm not attracted to you." To give him credit he jokes about it now. But dude! Read the signals!
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Re: Griffin: he has this weird, defensive resentment against guys who are more successful with women than he is. (And, I should point out, Griffin *is* successful--sort of. He's able to get dates and he definitely has sex. But he's not able to get girlfriends which is really what he wants--he wants a relationship.) Griffin sees that confident guy who's able to just make a move--go up and just start talking to her, pay her an outrageous compliment, kiss her without seeming warning*. And he thinks it's like this inalienable *right*--"if HE can do it, I should be allowed to. Otherwise it's not fair." He just doesn't get that it doesn't work that way--just because Approach A works with that guy, doesn't mean other women HAVE to allow you to approach as well. For another thing, those guys have a confidence which does kind of pave its own way--confidence smoothes a lot of those prickly edges. When a guy has a genuine smile on his face and is relaxed, it's just easier. It's uncomfortable when someone spouts one of their patented Self-Deprecating Jokes because you KNOW it's fake and he's feeling awkward. Also with confident guys, you know if you turn him down, he's not going to get weird.
Example: Tuesday night I had a late soccer game so I went over to the bar where the BF of my former roommate works--coincidentally she was there as well. We hadn't hung out in a few weeks so we sat down to talk over drinks. She knows G WELL; in fact, he introduced us. I was telling her about my annoyance with him and in the middle of our conversation, a guy comes over to us from the other side of the bar and says with this deadpan face "you know, when two women are sitting at a bar in a conversation, what they really need is a drunk guy to come over and talk to them." Well, this *was* genuinely hilarious--he immediately disarmed us. And it wasn't the material, really--it was his delivery. He wasn't *nervous,* it wasn't weird. We chatted for a few minutes and then subtly indicated we really just wanted to talk to each other and the dude got it immediately and backed off gracefully. Easy, breezy, done. I wish every strange guy who tried to chat me up were that smooth!
*I should mention he did this to ME once, the summer I first met him. He was in my show Romeo and Juliet and we'd been hanging out, going to a neighborhood bar. One night he leaned over and kissed me and no, we hadn't been flirting or close to it. I immediately froze up. The next day he emailed me about something else and I didn't reply and he texted me "did I really mess up last night?" I replied "nothing between us will ever happen. Here is why: I'm your boss [I was the producer], plus I'm playing a young male [Mercutio] who's your best friend and it's already difficult enough without messing with our dynamic on stage." I didn't add "...and I'm not attracted to you." To give him credit he jokes about it now. But dude! Read the signals!